Gossip and talk on corners

It seems there’s no more appealing thing than to talk about someone else’s life. It’s a fascinating world. You can create your own rumors, pick your characters, involve whoever comes to your mind and then just see how far it goes.  Or lets be fair, sometimes they’re not rumors, some stories are actually true, but for some reason had been kept secret… until someone finds out that is. I can understand that sometimes you find out about things that are just too exciting or too chocking and that it’s a real challenge to hold them inside.  And we all had those moments that we didn’t meant to tell anyone, but when we get asked straight away we were not able to keep it inside and we let it slip to someone. I get that, nobody’s perfect. But to go around spreading the news with no reason, just because… that I take hard. It’s always so disturbing for me when someone tells me a secret, it may not even be a big deal, but something that they want to keep private, and then I hear someone else, someone that has nothing to do with it just talking about it to everybody. Why? It aggravates me because I know I would feel violated. A lot of times we’re talking about real private stuff, emotions, relationships, feelings… and when someone is felling already pretty miserable and defeated having strangers talking about its humiliating. 

Yes, maybe people are a bit careless too. Lots of times people think they’re being discrete and yet you can obviously see that something is going on but if you’re not close to them, if they, for whatever reason, didn’t want to be open about it yet why can’t people just be shush? It seems to exist this incredible sense of community, of urgency to spread the news. Even when they’re not meant to be spread. I don’t get if it’s unadulterated evilness or if people do it only for the thrill of it. Maybe there’s just nothing really exciting going on in their life and they need to get the rush out someone else’s.

We are humans, we communicate, we can’t avoid it… But can’t we just make an effort to tame ourselves a little bit?

“We are not benefiting anyone when we underestimate our own potential and we give less than we really are”*

There’s a fine line between being confident and being cocky. Between being modest and neglecting your assets. It’s hard to find that balance that keeps you working hard and trying even after everyone have turned you down. The world is ruled by people. And they are ruled by opinions. I’m not saying that opinions don’t matter or that we should just ignore every bad criticism we hear. Criticism is important, even when not delivered with the best manners. What you have to do is find a way to turn it into something useful, something good.

You will fall down, you’ll have days that everything seems to go wrong not matter how hard you try. There will be times when you will wonder if they were right… if you are really not good enough. There will be days that you’ll feel like giving up, throw everything out of the window and just run away. But you won’t. Because that’s what tells you apart from everyone else, that’s what will make you special.

Having someone believing in us, in our abilities, is great and with their help we can reach great achievements. But nothing will give you as much strength than believing in yourself. People will come and go. Some will think you’re great, some might think you’re just one more dreamer. You’ll hear often that you’re not strong enough, or tall enough or good enough. They’ll try to convince you that you’ll never make it. But don’t take their word! Maybe they have a point, maybe your odds are not the best, but the world is full of examples of people that were neglected and rejected and that against all odds made it and are now the biggest stars in their areas of expertise.

So keep you head up, learn to filter - what you say and what you hear. No-one is always right or always wrong. Respect your adversary and respect the game. Know that no matter how old and experience you are there’s always something that you can learn and that everybody can teach you something. Stay down to earth, be humble, but don’t let people make a fool out of you. Be smart, think before you act.

When you get to the top don’t stop. Keep pushing yourself year after year. Don’t settle for being great when you can be the best. Remember where you came from. Remember how you used to look up to other people and how the dream seemed so far.
Be brave, dream and fight for it. If it’s really what you want then give all of you and when you finally reach it, just enjoy!

P.S - To my dear Raquel. Hope you'll get it.


* Title by Helene Menzel

“Are people born wicked, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?”*

What makes someone wicked or evil? Do people already have it in them when they’re born? Is it something that develops while you’re growing up? Can someone truly influence our outcome? How we are going to turn out? Do we have any control over it? Can someone be utterly wicked?... or completely good? How much of it is biological and how much of it is social? Will we ever get the answers to all of these questions? Do even want to have them? It might become just one more reason to discriminate and hate and… What if against all odds someone break the rules and turns out to be an exception?

As an educator, as a teacher, I have to believe that environment matters. That the circle where you are brought up in, that you are raised will take their parts in how someone’s personality is shaped. But how many times have we seen and heard stories about people who seemed to have had great childhoods, loving parents, that simply seemed to have had all reasons to be happy, honest and good and just turn out doing the most horrific things? And how many kids had to face things that most of us would not be able to cope with and still are able to turn their life around and become amazing and generous people?

We can’t give up. We have to believe that we can make a change. That maybe our words, our love, our care and attention will make the difference in someone’s life.

Everyone should be received in this world with happiness, joy and love, unfortunately, not every child gets that when they’re born. And no matter how hard we try sometimes there’s nothing we can do to prevent that. But, we can try to fix it. We can try to mend that broken soul. Everyone deserves a chance, especially a child. Sometimes it’s just too tempting, it’s just easier to follow what everyone else is saying about that person and believe in it. So you don’t waste time, so you can dedicate your attention to those you really matter. But what if everyone else is wrong? What if you could be the one changing their life and you just walk away without even trying?

 Maybe a lot of the times you’ll be deceived but that one time that you are not will make up for everything.

But let’s be real… You won’t be able to help everybody, maybe not even half of the people you’ll try to. So, how do we know we’ve done enough? When is it fair to give up and move on?  Won’t it hunt you the rest of your life the fact that maybe you should have stayed just a little bit longer?

It’s tricky… and there’s only so much you can do. If I believe people can change? I do… but it has to come from the inside. You cannot force someone to change. They may fake it for a while, they may control their actions, they may even believe they’ve changed and deceived themselves but if they don’t feel it, if they don’t fight their demons and just try to cover it up eventually it will all come out. And sometimes it will take even worst proportions has it had all been repressed for that time.

It’s hard to lose someone. It’s tough to accept that no matter how much you love that someone there’s nothing you can do to help them. It hurts see them falling right in from your eyes and not be able to do nothing. But sometimes it is really not up to you. 

* Title by Glinda in Wicked (the play)

“People will let you down. Sooner or later they all will… it’s not like they want to, it’s just their nature”*

Funny how sometimes you find something that you said or wrote years ago and it makes you think… think about what you were feeling in that exact moment, think how much your opinions about it have change (if they changed at all), think if you still agree with those thoughts, simply think how do you feel about those words now.

After doing all of this thinking I came to the conclusion that even when you can’t change your opinion on something you can still try to choose how you want to deal with it and how you want to feel about it.

So maybe it is true… Maybe you will be let down. You can’t control other people actions. And even though you knew from the star that would happen it will still hurt, it will still be humiliating and it will still make you cry.

But you have the power over yourself. You can decide if you just want to be miserable thinking about the past and what could have been or move on. Don’t be mad because it ended or with whatever happened to break you apart. Be glad that you had the chance to live some happy moments , to share something that was special and that no matter what will always be a part of you. Something unique that nobody else has to see or understand.

People will come and go in your life and if you let them they will teach you something. It might not be what you wanted at the time but when the pain starts to fade away I find that if you give it a try, if you focus on the positive you’ll see that it was worth it and that you did get something out of it (something good that is).

Do not regret your relationships. They’ve made you who you are today. Do not punish yourself for loving the “wrong” person, or trusting someone. Don’t lose your faith. Don’t let them take away what’s best in you.

Just be honest to yourself, be real and take the time to grieve, to heal. It will get better and you will remember that person, those moments with joy.

^* Title by me – November 2007

Parece tão simples...

A vida dá muitas voltas, nunca sabemos o que vai acontecer ou o que devemos esperar, contudo, hoje em dia temos cada vez mais tendência a esquecer-nos disso. Temos uma falsa certeza que podemos controlar tudo e que tudo está ao nosso alcance, se não for hoje será certamente amanhã… mal tal como disse são falsas certezas! Preocupamo-nos demasiado com coisas fúteis e sem grande importância e deixamos sempre para depois aquilo que realmente importa. Lamentamo-nos por isto ou por aquilo e esquecemo-nos que o fundamental da vida não depende apenas de nós.

Não querendo ter uma visão pessimista da humanidade, mas já tendo, raras são as vezes que fazemos o acertado, pois na maioria dos casos ou não damos a devida importância às pessoas ou quando o fazemos é em relação às pessoas erradas. Às vezes não estamos dispostos a falar, outras não estão dispostos a ouvir-nos e ficamos neste impasse. Deixamos o tempo passar e as coisas ficam por dizer. Seguimos em frente como se nada se passasse e fosse tudo apenas um ridículo capricho que facilmente se pode ignorar. Estamos demasiado perdidos no mundo, ou até em nós mesmos para nos voltarmos a preocupar com o assunto e preferimos fingir que não houve oportunidade, preferimos ignorar a situação e fazer como toda a gente que se esquece de nós. Preferimos seguir a multidão e não nos destacarmos… Centramo-nos nos nossos problemas e preocupações e depressa tudo caí no esquecimento (mais fácil, pelo menos assim não há remorsos…).

Mas depois um dia algo de inesperado acontece… a vida decide mostrar-nos que apesar de toda a tecnologia e avanço, no fundo, de pouco ou nada temos controlo. Um dia vamos acordar e arrepender-nos o resto dos nossos dias por não termos tido tempo ou disposição por dizer a toda a gente o quanto os amámos. Vamos ficar desiludidos connosco mesmos por apesar de tantos avisos termos cometido mais uma vez o mesmo erro que tantos já anteriormente haviam cometido, e vamos finalmente resumir-nos à nossa insignificância… chegando finalmente à conclusão que apesar de toda a nossa inteligência e superioridade agimos estupidamente durante 90% da nossa vida e focamo-nos em tudo menos no crucial. Vamos ficar revoltados, vamos prometer que dali para a frente tudo será diferente. Vamos recuperar e passado algum tempo faremos tudo errado novamente… porque o ser humano é assim, consegue por vezes manter na memória as mais insignificantes discussões ou momentos, mas o importante acaba sempre por se desvanecer.

"The truth isn't a thing of fact, or reason, It's simply what everyone agrees on"*

De que se trata a realidade senão de uma fantástica ilusão que nos permite prosseguir com as nossas vidas com plena convicção que está tudo sobre controlo? Acreditamos como real tudo o que observamos e tomamos como certo no nosso quotidiano, mas será tudo isso verdadeiro? Não é a realidade um conceito subjectivo que varia com os ideais, pontos de vista e até mesmo desejos?

Formulamos teorias sobre tudo neste mundo, desde os nossos relacionamentos e aos motivos que os fizeram fracassar até às mais vulgares situações, e inconscientemente cremos neles com tal força que os tornamos reais… mas terão eles de facto alguma veracidade?

A realidade não é uma verdade absoluta, não está sempre certa, de facto, a realidade está muitas vezes errada, cabe-nos a nós criar a nossa própria realidade com a destreza de deixar uma porta entreaberta caso seja necessário regressar…

* Title by the Wizafd of Oz - Wicked

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world... not even our troubles"*

Don’t kick yourself down. It’s not as bad as it feels at the moment. It’s not worth the stress, the nerves, it’s done. Done and gone. There’s nothing you can do about it anymore. Don’t over react, don’t feel miserable about it. Trust me, you will have enough real reasons to feel miserable in life. You don’t need to make up some more.

Don’t regret about what was done, just focus, get yourself together and make sure you do a better job next time.

* By Charles Chaplin

"Anything that's worth having Is sure enough worth fighting for" *

I envy those people who take back lovers/friends even after they have disappointed or betray them. It is not like I want to be in their position, feel their pain (sometimes over and over again). I just admire the way they can forgive other people and trust them in spite all that happened.

I already have troubles giving people a first chance let along a second one.

Some people might say they are crazy, naïve. But I do admire them, I truly do. It must be so nice to have that faith in people, in love.

Sure maybe they will get hurt sometimes/most of times. But what if it does work? What if that person really just made one mistake? Is it really worth it to throw everything away? Can’t we just fix it and move on?

I am not saying we should let people play with our feelings but maybe sometimes it is better to forgive… I believe there are different types of brave people. Some may not be afraid to go inside a building on fire or face the scariest creatures. But honestly I think the bravest of them all are people who are not afraid of their feelings and that are willing to let themselves go fully in a relationship. And even if that makes them suffer often, I like to believe that in the end it is all worth it.

* Title by Cheryl Cole - Fight For This Love

Let's try this again...

It has been tricky… Has you can tell by the date from my last post I have been wanting to give a new life to this blog. I stopped writing for a while because I started to feel that I was writing the same thoughts over and over again, just using different words. Also for a while writing was just one more way to help me to alienate myself from the rest of the world, from the rest of the people. I guess it got to a point that I associated so much writing with pain, because that was when I would write, that I decided to stop. Doing it was just one more way to focus on whatever I thought it was wrong at the time. In the beginning it felt good, I think I was needing that break but in a long run I started to miss it. I’ve always lived between the real world and the world of my thoughts and losing one of them felt like losing a part of me. I came to the conclusion that I need both of them… It’s all about balancing and knowing that though writing can be a good escape you can not let yourself go to deep. I’m still working on it, I am not going to lie… Also the whole idea of making all of this (or some of this) stuff public is kind of scary. I struggled a lot if I should do it or not but I decided to give it a go. I don’t know, sometimes it just helps when you listen or you read stuff from people that are having the same problems as you or feeling the same as you are, or just simply knowing that everybody feels like an outcast sometimes. So that was the main reason why I decided to put my things out there, because if it helps at least one person then it will be worth it. I hope I can stick with it, will see.

Re-birth

I've been thinking about bringing this blog back to life... Give my writing another chance. Who knows what can happen. I want to write, I (think I) want people to read my stuff… After all sometimes other people words can describe so well what we’re feeling. And so many times I relied in someone else quotes to express myself. But it’s so personal… I wonder how writers and song writers do? As an audience we tend to dissect each sentence, each word, it’s amazing how some songs could make the perfect soundtrack of our lives. Inadvertently we feel a connection with that someone, and if the same artist has the ability to make that connection more than once we almost fell like we know them. Like they share our pain, happiness, insecurity, whatever we are feeling at that moment. And it’s absurd. How can you relate to someone you never met? I never understood how people can be a fan of someone they don’t know… I understand you can be a fan of their work. And that it touches you so much that you feel you really know the person, but you don’t… In a way I think that’s exactly where the magic is… You see what you like, you choose what you want to hear but you don’t have to deal with the person as a whole.

Sometimes I wonder how much of it I truly felt… Maybe they’re just lyrics made to connect with what the general public is going to or will relate. And if they really mean every word, how on earth can they deal with the fact they’re so exposed to everyone? That was one of the reasons I stopped posting my writing… because I was having a hard time dealing with the comments, it’s just too personal. But again, in a way I do want to share my thoughts… maybe someone will relate to them. Maybe it will help them not to feel alone, just like it helps me everytime I find a song, or a quote that expresses what I feel.

A noite cai, e o frio aperta… sozinha no escuro pensa como se pode deixar levar mais uma vez. Porque não ficou quieta no seu canto, como sempre? Pelo menos aí sabia que estava segura. Um pequeno deslize podia ser suficiente para deitar por terra os discretos progressos que tinha atingido passado tanto tempo… Mas como poderia saber? Ter-se-ia entregue cedo demais? Talvez… mas na altura havia-lhe parecido tão certo…
Não sabia se o problema era seu por exigir sempre mais do que as pessoas lhe podiam dar ou se era dos outros, que pareciam sempre só estar disponíveis para receber e cobrar… mas sentia-se triste. Bem, na verdade já nem isso sabia ao certo… Se o sentimento que a inundava agora era tristeza, desalento, desconfiança... Mas não estava bem, isso era certo.
Queria gritar ao mundo o que lhe ia na alma, mas nem num sussurro a voz lhe saía. Queria evitar que acontecesse o final que já conhecia, mas nada podia fazer para o evitar. Não estava já nas suas mãos e talvez por isso temesse tanto um final trágico… Os outros... sempre os outros… que inconscientes da capacidade das suas acções e atitudes acabavam sempre por magoar alguém. Mas que fazer? Havia de ser sempre assim…

Quanto a ela, iria regressar ao seu canto, e manter-se-ia por lá quieta e segura até que um dia viesse alguém que valesse realmente a pena, e cada vez com mais certezas que esse alguém não existe…

Isn't that easy?

Don’t we all want to live in a better world? So why don’t we give our hands and help each other for the good of humankind? Maybe together we can make the difference, I still believe in good people with good hearts...

The only war that I approve is the “war” against that stupid ideals that make people fight against the others.

I do want to finish with all this pain, racism and war, but I can’t make it on my own, no-one can...

I want a world in which children can be safe and happy, in which anger doesn’t exist, and in which we can move and breathe safely. In the world of my dreams we wouldn’t have to be afraid of nothing, because everyone would be friendly and pacific. I want to live in a world without lies, where truth is more important than everything.

I know that it’s just a fantasy, but I still believe that someday the real world would be just like the one of my dreams, and at that time people will be much happier than ever!

Durante algum tempo fui consumida por esse sentimento de incompletude, por esse desconforto inexplicável, por essas lágrimas que tardavam em cessar. Sentia-me insegura, abandonada, cansada de uma busca que parecia interminável. Sabia que a vida não podia ser só isto, que tinha de haver algo mais, mas o quê? Cada vez mais essa ausência se estava a apoderar de mim e mesmo sem saber de que se tratava sentia que sem “isso” não conseguiria continuar.
Foram dias, meses, anos até… a acordar ansiando pelo dia em que descobriria o sentido da minha existência. O dia em que teria as respostas para todas as perguntas que bailavam na minha alma.
O sorriso na face estava mais resplandecente que nunca, mas cá dentro… o meu “eu” estava completamente arruinado. Como se um furacão por ali tivesse passado e devastado toda a réstia de força e alegria existente.
Quando olhava em meu redor, via a minha vida e sentia-me egoísta por ter tanto e não ser o suficiente. Tentava contrariar essa necessidade de procurar algo mais, mas era mais forte que eu… Não conseguia, ou não queria (não sei ao certo) falar, mas ainda que quisesse... Como podia eu ir ter com um amigo e dizer-lhe que a nossa amizade não era suficiente, que estava triste e sozinha apesar de o ter? Como poderia eu desvalorizar tanto alguém?
À noite, sozinha no escuro do meu quarto, refugiava-me nos sonhos que conscientemente construía. Desde cedo me apercebera que sem grande esforço conseguia controlar os meus sonhos (mesmo enquanto dormia) pelo que utilizava esse espaço como abrigo de salvação. Idealizava personagens, famílias, relações e vivia com elas a sua, a nossa vida. No fundo era isso, criava uma nova vida para mim. Uma vida em que houvesse o que houvesse eu era feliz e amada incondicionalmente. E assim acabava por adormecer…
A noite era por isso a melhor parte do dia para mim, o único senão é que todos os dias a manhã chegava… e com ela o pesadelo de um novo dia.
Em momentos mais difíceis a fragilidade era tanta que temia não aguentar o choro que por tudo e por nada teimava em se mostrar. A dicotomia sonho/realidade e o abismo que entre elas se encontrava parecia cada vez maior e eu sabia que isto não iria acabar bem…
Tempos houve em que acreditei muito nas pessoas, na vida, nas relações humanas… esperei sempre mais porque cria que éramos melhores, mas só tive desilusões. Tudo o que parecia melhor não passava de uma pura e clara ilusão. Pobre criança que cresce com fé nesta gente que a rodeia, que se enche de expectativas para depois…
Já havia percebido que toda esta infelicidade não era apenas uma fase como todos me faziam querer ver. Agora já não me atormentava não saber o “objecto” da minha busca, atormentava-me a certeza cada vez maior, que por mais que o procurasse jamais o iria encontrar… e teria de viver com isso.
Por momentos achei que não seria capaz, que já nada fazia sentido mas e agora o que fazer? Por mais que quisesse não podia abandonar este mundo a que estava presa embora não lhe pertencesse… Lentamente e de modo algo inconsciente fui-me agarrando à única coisa que sempre fizera sentido para mim, e que nunca me havia falhado - os meus sonhos – e vivê-los como se fossem a minha vida. Porque no fundo o eram e sempre serão… são neles que me abrigo e me protejo, neles que encontro a atenção que preciso (de dar e receber).
Com o tempo aprendi que não precisamos de dormir para sonhar. Assim, sempre que posso a minha mente viaja para esse porto tão acolhedor. Vivo nesse mundo à parte, só meu, que ninguém percebe ou sequer conhece. Essa minha “outra vida” é já tão inerente a mim que tenho por vezes dificuldade em perceber qual delas é real.
Solucionei o problema? Talvez não… mas aprendi a lidar com ele. Inevitavelmente acabei por me isolar de tudo e de todos, não por opção, mas por não conseguir viver nesta hipocrisia que é o mundo “real”. E assim fiquei sem gostar de pessoas.

She’s a girl in this world... she’s lost and confuse, she needs some help, but she don’t have no-one to turn to. People see her like a trust and responsible person, a confident, someone who’s always there for everything. However, no-one seems to care about her feelings. She’s not angry with that, because she knows that people only do that because they really don’t realise how bad she is. And because deep inside she knows that she’s the only guilty for that, she is the one who always hided her feelings, the one who always seemed to be o.k. And now, even if she tries very hard she can’t change the way that people see her.
All she wants is that people realise that she’s also just a little girl, so confuse and so scare like everyone else... All she wants is someone to understand her, someone to helper to find the right way. She wants to live her life like everybody else, and she knows that she need to make some mistakes to learn who she is, the problem is that she doesn’t know how to do that without disappoint the ones who surround her.

Never Give Up!

When I was a kid I met someone who were always saying “I don’t wanna hear you say «I can’t do it» because if you really try hard you can do everything. The girl had been inspired by a basketball movie and she really seemed to take it serious.
Later the girl told me that that mote could be used for everything because we should always try to be better and stronger. So I tried to apply it to life in general and then the doubts started to emerge. What seemed so perfect before had now won a different figure in my eyes, because life can be so rough sometimes…
For a while I try to guide my life through that rule but that never seemed to work… I remember I used to admire that girl wondering how she could always follow that mote. I established objectives and marks and then I couldn’t achieve them and it was really frustrating…
I took the mote literally so it started to work in an opposite way, because in my head, if I had try and still I had failed it could only mean one thing – I was too bad! If everyone that tried could do it why could I? For some years that feeling followed me and I felt really bad and weak about it because I couldn’t never reach what I had propose my self to. As the time went by that feeling lost some strength and now it doesn’t consume me anymore, but still sometimes I think about it…
Give up and let it go isn’t, in some circumstances, a much braver act than keep on insisting?
Can’t this ideal of life make us suffer more? Because if we never considered something finished that could give us false hopes…
And, I still wondered if it is really possible for someone to live an entire life by this “Don’t give up” rule. Because if there is, in spite everything, I have to say: congratulations!

Amor, esse sentimento tão sincero e profundo que nos pode fazer brilhar e acreditar de novo ou que nos pode derrubar de modo tão impiedoso quanto inacreditável. O amor faz-nos ver o que de mais belo há nas pessoas e no mundo e sem que nos apercebamos disso a nossa vida ganha de novo um sentido tão definido e forte que todos os problemas e imprevistos parecem nada importar.

(...)

Infelizmente nem sempre a vida segue o rumo que desejamos e as pessoas que julgamos conhecer pregam-nos partidas traiçoeiras que nos magoam e que não conseguimos justificar… Os sentimentos mutuos que nos uniam e que nos faziam parecer um só parecem ter-se desvanecido… para ti!
As pequenas brincadeiras tomam agora um significado maior, só agora me apercebo do quanto nos divertimos juntos e da importância que tinhas na minha vida… relembro os momentos que vivemos e quando olho à minha volto tudo me faz lembrar de ti, do teu sorriso, do teu corpo, do teu olhar…
Reviro a minha cabeça à procura de respostas que não encontro, tendo justificar vezes sem conta a tua ausência por mais injustificável que seja… Não quero duvidar de ti, nem por em causa a importância que a nossa relação teve, mas parece difícil acreditar que algo tão forte tenha terminado de repente para ti. Como é possível que não sintas mais nada e que te seja agora indiferente? Quando há tão pouco tempo…

Tenho muita pena que não tenha resultado e que tudo tenha terminado de modo tão abrupto mas o que mais me custa é não conseguir não conseguir explicar o que aconteceu… Pergunto a mim mesma se terei alguma vez forças para voltar a amar e entregar-me de novo porque estou tão magoada que só me quero isolar do mundo inteiro.

Sei que tenho de reagir e que não me posso dar por vencida, mas por mais que tente às vezes não consigo evitar de pensar “Acreditei em ti, em nós, e agora estou nesta fossa, porquê continuar a insistir?”.

Quem me conhece receia pelo meu bem-estar e preocupa-se comigo, querem ajudar mas não podem porque na verdade por mais que tente pôr em palavras, só eu sei o que sinto neste momento… Os meus amigos dizem-me que tenho de ser forte, deixar de recordar a nossa história com a mágoa de ter acabado e agarrar-me às memórias amando-as pelo que me fizeram sentir na altura, ficando feliz por terem acontecido.

Por vezes apetece-me gritar com toda a gente por não pararem de apresentar “supostas” soluções para a minha dor e por a fazerem parecer tão insignificante, mas no fundo sei que têm (alguma) razão… “O que foi não volta a ser” e há que seguir de cabeça erguida e coração aberto para que na próxima o amor não nos passe ao lado.

Dói de mais perder alguém quem se ama e confia, mas infelizes são os que jamais descobrem o que é o amor.

Baseado em várias histórias reais e dedicado a todos aqueles que apesar de todas as desilusões continuam empenhados nesta tarefa que é amar.

A dor de pensar e ao desejo de sentir

Gostava de aliviar a minha cabeça e deixar partir estes pensamentos que assolam a minha alma. Gostava de conseguir abrir o meu coração para o amor entrar e me libertar deste sufoco que é existir com medo de viver, medo de ser.

Olho em redor vejo milhões de sensações que adorava sentir e não sinto. Vejo as pessoas e não consigo amá-las como elas se amam. Tudo à minha volta parece fazer parte de um universo tão completo e sentido que até os pequenos problemas parecem nele encaixar perfeitamente.
Do outro lado estou eu… sentada, sozinha, longe de tudo e de todos tentando perceber como me inserir neste mundo que discretamente me rejeita e ignora. Ansiosa pelo momento em que tudo fará sentido e em que finalmente farei parte de algo… temendo que ele não chegue.
Porque quando digo que não gosto de pessoas não o digo com prazer, digo-o por ser uma verdade que me atormenta e me consome, digo-o porque também gostava de conseguir seguir impulsos não pensando nas consequências.

Pensar dói de mais, limita as nossas acções e não nos deixa viver. Passamos o tempo com receio, desconfiando e quando damos por nós já a vida passou… Porque gostava de por um momento ser feliz sem me perguntar porquê, sem hesitar gostava de me entregar a teus braços e deixar-me levar… Gostava de te amar tanto como desejo fazê-lo… se ao menos eu pudesse, se ao menos eu conseguisse…

Just someone...

So many nights I want to vanish...

So many times I cry in my sleep for a life to come and rescue me from this nightmare…

My life is so full of people and yet so empty of love! There are so many things I miss even though I had never met them. I miss that voice that calm us down, I miss that hug that make us feel save no matter what, you know…

I have so many friends and yet I’m so alone, so lost, so… I guess I just wish I have someone, a friend, who really saw me… someone to turn to when things didn’t went well.

I’d like to have someone that could read my eyes and understand my heart. I wish I have someone who really pays attention and care about what I think and what feel… I just wish one day someone could love me that way…