Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Power of Words

Words are a funny concept.
I can smile just by looking at some. I literally have a list of words that for some reason make me feel warm inside, which might sound crazy (and it probably is), but it’s actually a hundred percent true.
Words are great weapons, they can touch hearts and empower people, but like any weapon, when misused they can also be quite destructive.
Words hurt. And I know it’s a cliché, but they can often be more hurtful than physical pain, the damage lasts longer. And the reason for it it’s because a lot of times people don’t even notice what they’re doing or how serious it is.
I’ve always been careful with words…. Probably because I don’t used them often, so I try to at least use them carefully, but it was only recently that I’ve been paying more attention to it.
I started to notice those little episodes from my childhood when someone said something that really got me hard. And even though I’m aware that no-one else remembers it, I still do, because it was hurtful or embarrassing in some way. I know they didn’t mean to and I don’t have any big trauma. I don’t think about it often, but every once in a while those moments pop up in my head, and it’s just made me see how sometimes, without even noticing we can say things that mark people forever.
We’re lucky to be free nowadays. We’re lucky to be able to speak our mind and have our own opinion, but unfortunately we take it for granted and not always use this right carefully. It’s really easy to say something stupid, and it’s going to happen, no matter how careful you are, everyone makes mistakes. However, maybe we should be more aware about the power of words before we start preaching.  The wrong choice of words can damage someone for real, just like the right one can save someone's life, so it’s important that we take time to reflect about what’s coming out of our mouths and decide on which side we want to stand. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Keep calm and carry on

It used to be different. She used to give in to it, let herself go down the rabbit hole, sink. But she knows better than to indulge herself in this now. She knows she has to fight it, push back, get a hold of herself. She can't avoid the panic, can't deny the fear, but she has a word on what she wants to do with it.
So today she's not going to hyperventilate. Today she's not going to cry. Today she's won't freak out. She's getting better at understanding herself, her reasons, so today instead of feeding the terror she'll calm herself down.
She'll tell herself: “Take it easy, you've got this”, because she knows it's true, because she knows nothing really has changed, it's not that big of a deal. She'll repeat that mantra the whole day if she has to. She'll keep convincing herself that people have her back, so she needs to step up for herself too.
She can do this!
And then, when the day is over she can once again see that she survived, that once again she outdid herself.

Thursday, January 17, 2013


“There’s a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not. Everything eventually ends. As much as I’ve looked forward to this day I always disliked endings. The last day of summer. The final chapter of a great book. Parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall. You close the book. You say goodbye. Today is one of those days for us. Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. We’re moving on, but just because we’re leaving and that hurts. There are some people who are so much a part of us, they’ll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our North Star and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us… ALWAYS.”*

Though it's frequently that I find a quote or a lyric that I fall in love due to its accuracy, it is rare for me to find a whole speech that it's perfect in every single word. I've always found funny how we tend to feel so lonely and misunderstood sometimes, like no-one around us could possibly comprehend what we are going through, and somehow we find in some stranger's words exactly what we've been feeling. It's uncanny how people who have never met, who are in different stages in their life, that have totally different characters and experiences can share the same emotions.
I've always dislike endings and yes, part of it is because I'm scared to death of new challenges and fresh starts, but it's more than that, I've always found hard to accept that just because something is ending or simply changing it’s not important anymore.
People get attached to little things, the little pleasures in life, and though you might know it's not real it feels great to have that one thing you can turn to when you need a burst of hope to keep on going. It doesn't necessarily matter if you're saying goodbye to someone real, or just ending a book, a movie, the last episode of a show. Whatever it is that's ending it's one less thing you can refuge yourself in when the world doesn't seem so appealing anymore, and that's both sad and scary.
It's even easier to avoid making choices sometimes, even if it's about something that you really want, because you don't want to risk disturbing the harmony of things, you don't want to be the one to blame if it doesn't turn out as you expected. Humans are creatures of habits and even if what we're used to is not always perfect there's always that comfort of knowing what to expect. Greater things may be coming your way, but you always wonder at what cost.
It's funny that this piece is a part of a valedictorian speech, because this represents so much of what was going through our heads at that point. We all had dreams to follow and paths to build, but we were all so damn scared about what that would mean to our friendships. Time teach us that nothing lasts forever and there's a time in life that that becomes a dreadful thought – Why should you even invest in something (in someone) if you know that, one way or another, it will fade away?
Saying goodbye is never easy and it shouldn't be. The harder the goodbye the more meaningful you know that experience has been for you. We shouldn't fight the sadness when we're faced with yet one more ending, we shouldn't fight the emptiness that fills us when once again we have to say goodbye. Those feelings are there for a reason, they're there to reminds us, that no matter if they’re coming to an end or not these experiences are what keep us alive, what we're here for. It's okay to feel nostalgic sometimes, it's okay to remember the people that are no longer part of our life and feel sad that we’re not able to go back to those times, but deep inside we know who matters. Deep inside we know who were the ones shaping us into who we are today and the best we can do is honor their memory, our memory, because maybe nothing lasts forever, but that doesn't mean it means anything less just because it's over.
* Speech by Molly Quinn as Alexis Castle In Castle S04E23.

Friday, January 11, 2013

New challenges

There are always those moments in life where you are confronted with new challenges. Some love the thrill of something new, personally it makes me sick to my stomach. Rationally I know I’m overreacting, rationally I know I have to be forced to do anything out of my confort zone, because I will never do it on my own.

People always seem to believe I’m more than who I am, that I’m better than who I am, than I can do things that scare me to death. To their credit, when confronted with it I usually survive, but why would someone willingly put themselves in that situation?

We don’t have to always succeed (even though failure feels like hell), and we shouldn’t give in to peer pressure. But if you refuse a new opportunity it should be because you’re certain that it doesn’t appeal you, not because you’re too scared to give it a try. 

Friday, January 04, 2013

To friends

I’m still waiting for your call, your text, a sign. I promised myself I would respect the rules I set myself, that I would give you time and space and wouldn’t come around until you asked me too. I couldn’t do anything, say anything, that didn’t feel right, so I made sure you knew you were not alone before I backed off. I’m not great at this part, sharing feelings, saying what goes inside, but for friends we have to face our struggles and step up and that’s what I tried to do. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, well, I always did anyways, but instead of focusing on what’s missing in my life I’m trying to focus on how I can be a better person, a better friend to those around me and part of that resolution is to do my best to make sure that people I care about don’t ever have to be alone.
Being alone can be great, can even be needed for some people at some point, but it can also be terrifying, and unless they are sure that’s what they want to (and even if they do, they’re probably just lying to themselves), no-one should ever have to be alone. No-one should ever have to sit on a cold bathroom floor while crying they’re eyes out, no-one should have to fake a smile on their face when their heart is smashed inside, no-one should have to feel lonely in a room full of friends.
I won’t ask questions, I won’t say a word about it, because I know you. I know you’ll come around when you’re ready, but more important than that, I know you know I won’t ask for details or judge you, that you know I’ll be here no matter what. I don’t need to rush it, though it makes me carry you in my thoughts the whole day, worried. I’m patient, and no matter how long it takes my friend, I’ll be right there when you call.