Saturday, June 10, 2017

Here I go

Here I go again to a place where I’ve been so happy, a place that overwhelmed me with challenges and made me grow more than I could have ever imagined.

Here I go back to the place where I dared to run to despite everyone’s advices, where I learned to trust my instincts.

Here I go again to the place where my heart was stolen by two little innocent souls, where I discovered the meaning of endless love.

Here I go back to where I lived the best experience of my life,  a place that made me cry and laugh, and allowed me to discover my true self.

Here I go again to the only busy, crowded place that somehow brings me peace, where I found my passion for theatre and the art of absorbing your surroundings.

Here I go back to where I discovered that misfortunes can result in lifetime friendships, where I learned that traveling isn’t about locations, but about people.  

Here I go again to the place that became my second home, where despite the distance never feels awkward.

Here I go back to a where I’ve been so many times before, a place I know I’ll fall in love with all over again.

Here I go again to a place where I can be inspired, where I’ll surround myself with people that have their hearts in the right place, that care, that believe and that make me believe we can change the world.

Here I go back to where I know I can’t stay. A place I wish I could fit in my luggage and bring home with me. 

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

Next year

Every year I think, “Maybe next year it will be different, maybe next year I’ll finally forget”, but eventually May rolls in, quickly followed by June, and little by little the darkness starts to crawl back out. A constant reminder hovering over my head about how ephemeral and meaningless life is.
It’s not like I want to forget her, not even close, I just don’t want to be reminded of that day. The day everything changed.

Every year I think it will be the last time I’ll write about it, that I finally used up all the words to try to make sense of what doesn’t make sense at all, apparently I am wrong…

Friday, June 02, 2017

Big little lies

It is said that a friend is someone with whom one can be sincere, have no secrets, show their true self. But trusting is hard, risking exposure with no knowledge of what consequences that will bring is often a reality too frightening to handle.

Despite what we like to believe, we never know anyone 100%. Everyone has their secrets, their dark places where they're drawn to sometimes, a sense of overwhelming loneliness that strikes them from times to times. People pretend well, quite often we live in constant denial, and we go through life side by side with people we care about more than we can ever show, and at the same time we know so little about each other, about what really matters, about the demons that keep them awake at night. I think that was what shocked me the most as I grew up, the realization that people are so much more than what we see beneath the surface, that we are all so much deeper and complex than we pretend to be, how oblivious we can be to someone’s struggles and pain.

We all have secrets, deep dark thoughts we don’t share, fears we don’t want to admit. It’s human nature, to protect ourselves and the things we love, so whether because we don’t want to worry people, because we feel no-one can possibly understand us, because we’re ashamed, afraid, or simply due to an utter inability to open up, we clamp up and we go on with our lives, day after day, with a smile in our face that disguises the agony that we face inside.

Everyone has stories they never tell, and a lot of times they're kept hidden not because they don't trust the ones around them, but because they don't trust themselves. Fear is a force that drives us more than we realize, and the fear of letting people down or being hurt is often behind the reason we keep our secrets so well hidden. And yes, friends should be the ones you trust to support you no matter what, but this fear of disappointment doesn’t usually come from having friends that don't love us enough to accept us, it comes from the fact that we don't  love ourselves enough to believe we are worthy of their love despite our flaws.

We are the ones blocking the trust, we avoid exposure because we see vulnerability as a weakness, thought the reality is that it takes an unmeasurable amount of courage to be comfortable in that place.