Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Good people do stupid things

Good people do stupid things, it’s a fact, they do. Things happen, people make mistakes, some might cost them what most important they had in their lives… Nobody’s perfect and even though sometimes it’s hard to cope with the disappointment, we have to step back and see if that’s really who they are or if it was just a slip. Good people make undeniable mistakes, they mess up, they hurt people along the way in ways that we can’t even explain… We can’t get it, probably never will. You’ll be wounded, feel cheated, let down, mad, and have all the right to have those feelings. But is that really who that person is?
I get it, after seeing a side of that someone that you never knew exist it’s confusing, and you wonder if everything else was a lie too. It’s hard to believe you’re talking about the same person and because you don’t want to feel that pain again it’s easier just to use your anger to try to eliminate all the good moments, focus only on the bad and walk away.
Maybe you should… But just because good people do stupid things that doesn’t mean they’re not good anymore. All the things that you loved before are still there is just a matter of weighting them to see what’s really important.
Good people are not those who don’t make mistakes, but the ones that admit their own and try to fix them. Good people are the one who have good heart and good intentions and even if they struggled at some point, they’ll do their best not to let it happen again.
Life is not about being perfect and never fail, it’s about learning from what went wrong in the past and try to be a better person in the future. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

A Thank you Note

In a rare exception today’s text is being posted in both languages (Portuguese and English). I’ve just reached de 1500 visits so I’d like to thank everybody who comes here regularly and explain you why I do it.

Numa rara excepção o post de hoje foi colocado em ambas as línguas (Português e Inglês). Atingi hoje as 1500 visitas e por isso queria agradecer a quem passa aqui regularmente e explicar-vos porque o faço. Nota: Se andarem para baixo, está disponivel uma versão do texto em Português.

Cyril Connolly said “It is better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self” but really, the best thing is when you can have both.
My whole life I’ve been inspired by these quotes, these lyrics, these episodes that seem so personal, so accurate, so right. It was like someone had got inside my head and just put into words everything that I was feeling that exact moment. It’s amazing. Very often we feel alone, like no-one could understand what we’re going through or how much it hurts. We think it doesn’t make sense, that we’re being silly, childish, crazy, naïve… we feel overwhelmed with the pain, the loneliness, wondering if it would ever go away. And as insane as it is these words do what sometimes our friends and our love ones can’t… they comfort us, they give us hope and make us understand that we are not the only ones feeling like that, because somewhere in this big world someone had the same feelings and decided to be brave enough to share them.
Maybe without even realizing these people touch our souls, without even knowing us they make a difference in our lives and help us to overcome the inevitable obstacles in life. It’s like they get it… they get us… what’s going on through our mind and our hearts, it’s uncanny but it’s real.
We tend to try to be perfect. We want to come across has strong and confident and a lot of times we don’t allow people we love to see who we really are because we’re afraid to let them down. Is not easy to strip down and bare your feelings, your thoughts, to someone else go through them. It’s hard, it’s embarrassing, sometimes it almost hurts, but I’m learning that sometimes the outcome it’s worth all that.
It took me a long time to be able to share my writing, almost 10 years… I could barely read my texts out loud… I didn’t think they would make sense to anyone else but me. I think the real turning point happened when I was watching an interview about this artist and she said that her whole life music had played an important role and that she felt like she was in a unique position to be able to touch someone’s else’s lives too now. And it got me thinking that maybe it was selfish to hold it all inside because if all those people that touched my life hadn’t had the courage to share their stories they would have never got to me and helped me. So, maybe it doesn’t make sense to a whole lot of people and maybe every once in a while it will sound silly to some, but I guess if it touches at least one person, than it is worth it.
And that’s why as long as I’ve people stopping by, commenting or simply reading my blog, and as long as I have something to write, I’m going to keep doing it. Because it does feel pretty good when someone comes to you and lets you know that you’ve made their day just a little bit brighter.

Versão Portuguesa

Cyril Connolly disse “é melhor escreveres para ti e não teres público do que escreveres para o público e perderes-te a ti mesmo”
Toda a minha vida fui inspirada por  citações, letras  de músicas, episódios que pareciam tão pessoais, tão certos. Como se alguém tivesse entrado na minha cabeça e posto em palavras tudo o que eu estava a sentir naquele exacto momento. É incrível. Muitas vezes sentimo-nos tão solitários, como se ninguém conseguisse entender o que estamos a passar ou o quanto dói. Achamos que não faz sentido, que estamos a ser infantis, inseguros, ingênuos ... a dor e a solidão tornam-se tão insuportáveis que nos perguntamos se alguma vez irão embora
É surreal como estas palavras conseguem fazer o que muitas vezes os nossos amigos e as pessoas de quem gostamos não conseguem... confortam-nos, dão-nos esperança e mostram-nos que não somos os únicos, porque algures neste imenso mundo houve alguém que sentiu o mesmo e teve a coragem de o partilhar.
Provavelmente sem se aperceberem, estas pessoas tocaram a nossa alma, sem nos conhecerm elas fizeram a diferença e ajudaram-nos a ultrapassar os obstáculos inevitáveis da vida. É como se compreendessem... Como se nos compreendessem... o que vai na nossa cabeça, no nosso coração. É sinistro, mas é verdade.
Temos a tendência para tentar ser perfeitos. Queremos mostrar que somos fortes e confiantes e muitas vezes não permitimos que as pessoas que estão à nossa volta vejam quem realmente somos porque temos receio de as desiludir. Não é fácil despireste de preconceitos e expores os teus sentimentos e pensamentos para que todos os vasculhem. É dificil, é embaraçoso às vezes quase que dói, mas estou a aprender que às vezes o resultado final compensa.
Demorei muito tempo a conseguir partilhar a minha escrita, quase 10 anos... Durante muito tempo quase que nem conseguia lê-la em voz alta... Sempre pensei que não faria sentido para mais ninguém. Acho que o momento em que realmente mudei de perspectiva aconteceu quanto estava a ver uma entrevista a uma artista e ela dizia que toda a sua vida a música tinha desempenhado um papel fundamental e que sentia que estava numa posição única por também ela ter agora a oportunidade de tocar a vida de outras pessoas. E isso fez-me pensar que no fundo talvez fosse um pouco esgoísta guardar tudo isto só para mim, porque se as pessoas que tocaram a minha vida não tivessem tido a coragem de partilhar as suas histórias elas nunca teriam chegado até mim e me ajudado. Por isso, talvez não faça sentido para muita gente, e de vez em quando pareça mesmo ridículo, mas acho que se tocar pelo menos uma pessoa, então valeu a pena.
E é por isso que enquanto tiver pessoas a visitar o blog, seja a comentar ou simplesmente a lê-lo, e desde que tenha algo para escrever, vou continuar a fazê-lo. Porque a verdade é que sabe muito bem quando alguém te aborda para te dizer que um dos teus posts tornou o seu dia um pouco melhor.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Dark moods

Uncanny the people you identify yourself with sometimes. Or rather, how you see yourself so much in something they have said when you seem to have no resemblance with them. A few days ago I stumbled across this quote:

“I've always thought that I do have a number of issues that probably need dealing with, because I am quite odd in some ways. I get very dark moods for no reason. Nothing in particular brings it on. You can be having the best time of your life and yet you're utterly and totally miserable. I get very antisocial, depressed and irritable with people” (Simon Cowell)

And I was astonished, because it’s so right, so accurate, so perfect! I couldn’t have described it any better myself. Though I’m quite sure I share no similarities with Mr. Cowell personality there’s nothing out of place in that idea, every single word is exactly where it should be. And the idea of having someone with the exact same thoughts as you is both creepy and relief.
In our twisted, self-centered point of view we always think that what we’re feeling is so unique that no-one could ever understand. Often we feel like creeps… like we’re just passing by through this life where we don’t belong… knowing that we should be feeling things that we are not…
It’s bad enough to feel miserable because things are not going your way but it’s even worse when there’s no apparent reason for it. Because on top of it all you still have to deal with the guilt of having so much and yet not being satisfied. You are aware your life is in a good place and still out of nowhere these dark moods come and take over.
No matter how much you care about them, people around you become unbearably annoying. You have no patience to anyone. And once again the guilt seeks in a little bit deeper.
Because there’s no reason for it it’s hard to find a way out. You shut yourself in, alienate people and fall deeper into that dark side. It’s a vicious circle.
Rationally you know it’s non sense… but reason plays a very small part when it comes to emotions.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

In the end it all comes to that

"The worst thing someone can do to me is believe that I’m better than I really am" (15.Fevereiro.2008)

Curiously enough it’s all about
   - Confidence;
   - Self-awareness;
   - Panic of failing;
   - Fear of looking like a fool.

There’s no way around it. No matter where you go or what you do it all comes down to that. It’s going to follow you everywhere.
It doesn’t matter how good everyone thinks you are you don’t see it. No matter how many times you succeed you won’t get it. No matter how many people admire you you won’t be convinced. Even if rationally you know you should be able to believe in yourself, that theoretically you know that you should be able to do it you can’t push away the panic, the fear. You want to change, you wish you could, you promise yourself you will… But when the time comes you freeze.
Be brave.  Exceed yourself. No-one ever succeeded before ever failing. Keep challenging yourself and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. You know the drill, you know all that and yet you can’t prevent feeling so scared.
When I look at some people I wonder if it feels as good as it looks to be so confident about yourself.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Embrace yourself

You have to live with what you have. There’s no point of fighting it, it won’t take you anywhere and at the end you’ll be exhausted, depressed and devastated.
You can never really change who you are, so accept it. Don’t settle, don’t be content but embrace it. There are things about you that no matter how much you wish or how hard you try you’ll never be able to change. So let it go. Find ways to cope with it.
Focus on the good things, those little details that you think make you special and try to be a better person a better friend everyday.
Not everybody will be thoroughly happy, not everyone gets to live the dream but I figured that sometimes you can get your piece just by helping someone get their own.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

It’s easier to start a new relationship than too heal one that’s already broken

There’s so much more at stake. It’s easier to start fresh again. No past, no history, no deceptions, no mistakes.
You’ll try to hurt me like I’ve hurt you. I’ll try to make up for something I can never take back . We’ll never be even, it would never be the same. We can pretend we’re fine and it may work for a while but somewhere, somehow, sometime it’ll come up to haunt us.
So what’s the point? Is there hope? Are you into this like I am? Can we commit to make this work?
It’s easier to start again but I’m not looking for an easy path. Because everything is wonderful when it’s easy, it’s when it gets tough that really matters. I don’t want to have to give up on this… on you. So what to do?
Let’s put the hate and the blame aside, let’s face it, we both messed up. There’s no turning back, this is the time we’ve got to make a choice. I know that you care so don’t turn your back. If you feel it you have to believe in it.
It’s easier to start a new relationship than to heal one that’s already broken but will it feel the same? Will it ever be as good if you don’t stick around to fight for it?
Maybe it won’t work but I don’t want to be wondering. I don’t want to waste time. Not yours, not mine. There’s so much more out there and if this is not it then we both deserve a chance to find something else to fulfill our hearts. So let’s be honest, let’s be real and bold and fearless. Let’s face it, let’s take it as it comes and deal with it… and who knows, maybe we’ll be pleasantly surprised because more often than we think the best moments and the stronger relationships rise from adversity. 

Friday, November 18, 2011

They say everything happens for a reason...

They say everything happens for a reason...
I’ve heard it so many times. I probably said it too every now and then, but sometimes I wonder what exactly that’s supposed to mean.
Should we not plan too far in advance because what will be will be? Should we just navigate through life waiting for our fate to come to us?
Is there really always a reason, an explanation for what happened? Did we deserved it? Could we have prevented it? Could we have played it differently? And would that make a difference?
How much of it is under our control?
Don’t know if there’s always a reason… I really don’t. Sometimes it all just feels so unfair so wrong. However, you have to fight. You have to take it and run with it. You can’t let it push you down. You have to get back up and get something out of it.
It’s easy to be successful and happy when everything is going your way, the true challenge is doing it when the whole world is conspiring against you.
You got to be resilient, you got to keep getting back on your feet and believe that in the end it all meant something… and if nothing else, at least it had showed you, once more, that you are stronger than you believe.

Monday, November 14, 2011

No matter what they say you keep believing

Today, I watched an amazing Basketball game. It just reminded me how unpredictable life is because you never know what’s going to happen and that inspired me to write this text. Hard work pays back and you just proved that girls. You all SMASHED it today! Congratulations!

Everybody has a dream but only few have the ability to truly fight for it.
I’ve always liked the underdog’s stories. The player that was undrafted, the singer that no one took seriously, the team nobody thought would make it… it’s just fascinating how some people beat the odds and prove everybody wrong.
It’s easy to be overwhelmed by the glamour and the success but if you look past the fame, past the titles and winning records of your idols a lot of the times you’ll find out that they had a really hard time until finally getting they’re break. And that’s what makes the difference. That’s what makes them special. Not the fact that they had an opportunity but that they held to it and didn’t let go.
Regarding Basketball, I told someone today that a great player is not the one that starts the game and plays 40 minutes but the one that embraces every tiny glimpse of chance to shine and I really believe that. You’ll be knocked down, no matter if it’s in Basketball or in life in general, but you got to pick yourself up and fight back. Love what you do, be inspiring. Do it for the love, for the passion, do it for yourself and show everyone else they were wrong about you. Life, just like Basketball, is a game and only the resilient ones will stand at the end. Be confident, not cocky. Be humble, respect your competition. The real talent won’t need to push nobody down, it will stand at its own right.
You’ll never please everybody so don’t mind about them. Obviously some people will know better than you but if you listen to everyone you’ll lose direction and be stuck in the same place. So learn to filter, choose what’s really important, what can make you better and let everything else go.
Know your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Don’t settle, there’s always so much more to do, to learn, to improve. Lead by example. Find someone that’s better than you and let them inspire you. Keep challenging yourself, keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and believe that you can make a difference.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

It’s all about control and balance

I can feel it, I try to ignore it but it keeps trying to allure me back. I know me… I know these symptoms… I’ve been here before. It’s different now, I’m different (!) I can fight it now, at least for a while. There was a time I was so alone, so sad, so disappointed that I just didn’t care. So I would run away and lock myself in that little world of mine every chance I would get. I was safe there, I was loved but most important… I was able to love. The thing was I was getting lost there and it was getting harder and harder to get back to real life everytime. The gap between these two realities was too wide and it kept expanding. I would be mad everytime I would be pulled out of my dreams, I would get frustrated ‘cause I was craving my dreams. I was desperate a lot of the times, wondering if the pain would ever go away.
But I’ve changed… don’t know why, or how, or when but I’m more peaceful about the whole thing now. I’m not happy, I honestly don’t believe I’ll ever be but I’m content… I just came to acceptance that this wonderful world I created can’t ever be, and somehow I’ll have to learn to survive out here on my own. It’s not like I don’t wish for that breathtaking moment, for that hug to keep me save, that warm smile that can make my day or that little wink that says “I believe in you! You can do it”… I would be lying if I would say otherwise. But it’s almost a platonic dream… something that even though I wish much harder than I would like to admit I kind of know it’s never going to happen… But still I can’t let that go. Again, I know myself, I know I can‘t live without my world. I can’t even imagine not having that shelter, that secret safe place that because it remains unknown nobody can destroy.
I just have to figure out a way to balance it. Because even though I know I can be happy there, staying too long, going too frequently, too deep makes me alienate people even more and gets me farther away from the real world. So I have to set boundaries and I’m getting a little better at it.
I still hear it calling me, I feel it coming in tides. But I’m aware now, I know the deeper I go the tougher is going to be to get out of it again.  I can fight it a little bit… how much? For how long? I don’t know. But I’m working on it and yes I still have those moments when I don’t wanna cope with anything, when I just want to run back there and hide. But that’s okay, truth is I don’t want it to go away completely ‘cause it’s part of who I am, who I’ve become.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Dare to dream through my eyes


Life is a constant fight

You’ll fall, you’ll get hurt

You’ll disappoint and be disappointed

But you’ll find it’s all worth it

You can’t control what happens to you

But you can choose to use it in your favor

Get your head up, keep your dreams close

Hold on tight, it will all be gone soon

Dare to dream through my eyes

Let me show you everything it’s going to be all right

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

1 of 2 Dreams of my life


Here, there, everywhere.

Walking, riding, flying.

Country, city, beach or snow.

Rich or poor.

I just wanna go.

See other places.

Meet other cultures.

Feel that you belong even when you don’t.

From Paris to Milano, Philippines to Egypt.

I want to know them all.


Is there anything better than travel?