Dark moods

Uncanny the people you identify yourself with sometimes. Or rather, how you see yourself so much in something they have said when you seem to have no resemblance with them. A few days ago I stumbled across this quote:

“I've always thought that I do have a number of issues that probably need dealing with, because I am quite odd in some ways. I get very dark moods for no reason. Nothing in particular brings it on. You can be having the best time of your life and yet you're utterly and totally miserable. I get very antisocial, depressed and irritable with people” (Simon Cowell)

And I was astonished, because it’s so right, so accurate, so perfect! I couldn’t have described it any better myself. Though I’m quite sure I share no similarities with Mr. Cowell personality there’s nothing out of place in that idea, every single word is exactly where it should be. And the idea of having someone with the exact same thoughts as you is both creepy and relief.

In our twisted, self-centered point of view we always think that what we’re feeling is so unique that no-one could ever understand. Often we feel like creeps… like we’re just passing by through this life where we don’t belong… knowing that we should be feeling things that we are not…

It’s bad enough to feel miserable because things are not going your way but it’s even worse when there’s no apparent reason for it. Because on top of it all you still have to deal with the guilt of having so much and yet not being satisfied. You are aware your life is in a good place and still out of nowhere these dark moods come and take over.

No matter how much you care about them, people around you become unbearably annoying. You have no patience to anyone. And once again the guilt seeks in a little bit deeper.

Because there’s no reason for it it’s hard to find a way out. You shut yourself in, alienate people and fall deeper into that dark side. It’s a vicious circle.

Rationally you know it’s non sense… but reason plays a very small part when it comes to emotions.