Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Just let it run

Some days I just want to sit and write. Sometimes I wish I could pause the world and just dive into this sea of letters, words and feelings where you’re never hurt, never wrong, never misunderstood.
Real life feeds your imagination and it matters of course, but at times dealing with what’s real it’s not nearly as fun or appealing as driving the characters in your mind through the mess of their so perfectly imperfect lives.
There are days, weeks even, I think I’d be content just to be sitting here in the darkness of my room trying to figure out different ways to live through someone else’s stories, to figure about myself through someone else’s dilemmas. 

Monday, August 20, 2012

Simple pleasures

There are things in life that can’t be explained. Little pleasures that bright up your life and put a smile on your face. The safe spots, simple things that you took for granted in the past, that you almost forget in the rush of everyday but that when cross your path again still manage to bring out that peace, that pure joy.
I wanted to put in words how it felt today, touching that round piece of rubber again. I wanted to share how it changed my mood, how suddenly the 26+ sleepless hours didn’t seem to matter anymore. I wanted to put in writing how great I felt just to get in that court once again. I keep trying to find the words for it but I can’t find them… I wanted to do it so I could read it whenever I need little pick me up, I wanted to do it so I can share with you that amazing sensation but how can you explain it? How can you explain it to someone who never played the comfort (not just physical) it gives you to put on those baggy shorts? How you miss the ritual of getting your jersey on? How can you explain how soothing is the process of getting your sneakers ready and tied them perfectly? It just feels right… and right there you know you won’t regret going, right there you know you won’t feel tired, but that’s just the start. The real rush happens when you finally step in on the court, when you caress the ball between your fingers and give the first dribbles, the sound of it bumping on the floor warms you up inside. The swish sound of the first made shot echoes in your head and suddenly all makes sense… all the late nights and early mornings, the missed dinners and parties, the bruises the sacrifices, not because it was your obligation but because playing was above all a pleasure!
It’s uncanny how something that simple can change your mood in slip of a second. It’s illogical and I can’t explain it, not if you never had a passion like it but it’s good, it’s so good.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

"Vindo do coração toda a gente sabe escrever..."*

Porque a essência da escrita não está na proeficiencia ou na correcção gramatical, nas palavras elaboradas ou nas frases rebuscadas, a escrita tem de vir de dentro, do mais fundo do teu ser. Toda a gente sabe escrever porque todos nós temos uma história, algo que nos move, que nos guia e nos torna quem somos. Toda a gente sabe escrever, só é preciso perder o medo de ir lá ao fundo, de tocar o intocável de explorar o que não é partilhado com mais ninguém.
A escrita não é universal, não toca a todos da mesma forma, mas há sempre alguém no mundo que vai entender exactamente o que queres dizer, alguém que partilha esse mesmo sentimento, essa mesma dor. Escrever não deve ser uma obrigação, não deve implicar esforço ou sacrifcio, as melhores produções fluem naturalmente, quando a lógica é posta de parte e finalmente ouves o que coração tem para dizer, quando perdes o medo, a timidez, quando o que os outros pensam deixa de ter importância, quando te despes de preconceitos e inseguranças e dás por ti sozinho... apenas tu e uma folha branca, sem julgamentos ou pressões, apenas um pedaço de papel à espera de ganhar vida com as palavras que correm no teu ser. 

* Título por B. Mendes

Saturday, August 11, 2012

5000 visits!

A few months ago I made a special post celebrating 1500 visits on this blog, a blog that I had created in 2006, a blog that for the first years I didn’t share it with almost anybody and that suffered an almost 5 years hiatus. Little did I know that just a few months later I would be here celebrating the unbelievable number of 5000 visits! It still amazes me that a lot of you come here regularly, that you take the time to read these crazy things that come out of my head, that more often than I would expect you identify with what is written…
It’s both scary and exciting when I look at the list of countries that most visit my blog and I find that countries like Russia, Germany or France are part of the top 10 when I don’t even know anybody who lives there.
I always thought it was scary to put myself out there, to share my pieces but now I’m starting to understand why so many people take the risk, because it means the world everytime someone praises your work or gets exactly what you mean. The feedback, comments like:

“Your blog (…) make people feel peace” (Annonymous)

“Really special, a very inspiring and introspective piece of work” (Annee Tromp)

“Como te compreendo. Como é bom voltar a ler um dos teus textos” (Marco Mateus)

“Continua a inspirar-nos” (Rita M.)

“I have thoroughly enjoyed browsing your weblog posts, after all I'll be subscribing to your rss feed then I hope you write again quickly! “(Annonymous)

“Continue writing, you are GREAT!!!” (KKaytano)

“Mais uma vez espectacular” (Raquel)

“Amei” (Bagaça)

“Compreendo tao bem!adorei!” (Mariana P.)

“Claro que conseguiste puxar a lagriminha de mim” (Tânia P.)

are just a small sample of how rewarding it can be to accept a challenge. So to all of you that visit, read, comment or share this blog with others a BIG thank you! Your visits and comments light up my day. The only thing I can complain is not being able to meet you all, to know your stories, what keeps you interested, not being able to thank each and every one of you personally, so this was the way I found to do it.
Thank you for visiting, please keep coming back! And if you have you own blogs let me know so I can check them out! J

Top viewed posts to check out if you haven’t yet:
-       Humanitarian Work
-       Player
-       Family is Family

Some of my personal favourites:
-       Friends
-       Move on
-       Tonight

How about you? Do you have any post that particularly got to you? Care to share? 

Friday, August 10, 2012

“I want to take the pain away, and I know I can't and it just kills me.”*

One more of those days, one more of those moments, where you’re left without words, without action. What can you do when there’s no reason? What to say when nothing you can do will make it better?
When life is unfair and out of the blue takes away something (someone) they love, when with its twisted sense of humor life tricks you to think it was just a big scare, that it’s going to be allright and then… it’s not. Then it’s all wrong!
Is there any right way to deal with it? Is there a way to avoid feeling so useless when you look into those tearful eyes and their sorrow takes over you? It’s sad when you realize sometimes your embrace is not enough anymore and unlike before,  this time no story nor song, or game nor bet, will bring back that smile. It breaks your heart just to know they’re in pain, so you hold to them tight, as close as you can, hoping some of their pain will rub off on you, hoping that it helps having a shoulder to cry on.
Sometimes life is unfair and there’s nothing you can do to protect those you love, sometimes all you can do is be right there hoping that knowing that they’re not alone will be enough to ease their pain. 

 * Title by KaDee Strickland as Charlotte King - Private Practice S05E22

Thursday, August 09, 2012


Home doesn’t have to be a place, it can be a person, a sound, a music, a smile, a hug or even a habit… home is where your heart is, where you feel safe. Home is that safe spot you seek when the whole world starts to fall apart, is what you crave when you’re breaking into pieces. Home doesn’t have to have four walls and a roof, it isn’t necessarily where you live. Home is what you look for when you just want to crawl up and wallow when you’re crushed.
Home, mistakenly often by a physic place, home is much more than that. Home is where happiness, anger, frustration and true love meet and co-live in an unlikely harmony. To be home is to be in such a deep comfort that nothing you can do or say will destroy that feeling.  Home is where you can let go of your fears and just be the real you, where the mask falls and the unadulterated you can show up without reservations.
Home is like most of all important things in life impossible to describe, it is not something you put in words but simply something you feel inside. Have you found yours?

Tuesday, August 07, 2012


Note: Just another random piece that maybe one day will become part of something bigger.

She was driving home when out of the blue it hit her. It was always like that with her, she would ignore he pain, buried deep, pretend that everything was fine, fake her smile all the way, until it was impossible to hold it inside and something as simple as a song would trigger a massive breakdown. The day hadn’t been particularly hard, she had actually enjoyed most of it, so why the tears now? She looks at the car’s CD player, wanting to turn it off, but she’s hypnotized. Hypnotized by the words that seem to be written for her

I must have cried a thousand times
I've heard thousands of your lies
Walked ten thousand miles for you
So for the thousandth time don't…
Don't play with me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me no more
Don't you play with me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me no more

She heard this album a thousand times before, but only today the words are sinking in. Only today they are making her cry and once again she wonders how is it possible that someone can put in words what she’s feeling better than herself. She tries not to think about him about his lies, about his games but it continues…

If it's not what you want
And I'm not what you want
Then what do you want from me?
I'm screaming “You won!”
At the top of my lungs
So why not be done with me?
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn
Cos boy I don't trust ya
So it's bitter when I say so
I know I still love ya*

That’s it! Word by word, a perfect description of what goes inside her… how she’s done being fooled, how she’s giving up though it hurts her more than anyone can see, how no matter what he’ll say she won’t trust him, how she just wishes everything would end. She’s not just crying anymore, she’s sobbing as all the emotions she has been hiding from seem to immerse. The pain is too real, the fear of having to face this, her whole life, the guilt of not being stronger… stronger enough to make him change. The tears don’t stop falling down and she has to stop the car as she can barely see the road anymore. She looks at herself in the mirror and the desperation in her eyes only make her cry more.

* Song by Cheryl Cole - One Thousand

Saturday, August 04, 2012


Olho para noite a apaixono-me,
Pela lua, pelas estrelas, pela tranquilidade da escuridão.
Olho para o céu negro e perco-me,
Em sonhos de criança, realidades que hoje sei não existir.
No silêncio do que a rodeia,
Encontro paz no sossego do fim do dia que é sempre um recomeço e nunca um fim.
No horizonte longinquo,
Procuro o equilibrio entre o que sou e o que desejo ser.
Na noite, sempre nela,
Que os eventos ocorrem, que o bem e o mal se evidenciam.
Na ausência de luz, de vozes, de gente,
Onde se torna impossivel ignorar os gritos mudos da alma.
Olho para a noite e apaixono-me,
Pela serenidade que simultaneamente ambiciono alcançar e desafiar.