Breakdown

Note: Just another random piece that maybe one day will become part of something bigger.

She was driving home when out of the blue it hit her. It was always like that with her, she would ignore he pain, buried deep, pretend that everything was fine, fake her smile all the way, until it was impossible to hold it inside and something as simple as a song would trigger a massive breakdown. The day hadn’t been particularly hard, she had actually enjoyed most of it, so why the tears now? She looks at the car’s CD player, wanting to turn it off, but she’s hypnotized. Hypnotized by the words that seem to be written for her

I must have cried a thousand times
I've heard thousands of your lies
Walked ten thousand miles for you
So for the thousandth time don't…
Don't play with me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me no more
Don't you play with me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me no more

She heard this album a thousand times before, but only today the words are sinking in. Only today they are making her cry and once again she wonders how is it possible that someone can put in words what she’s feeling better than herself. She tries not to think about him about his lies, about his games but it continues…

If it's not what you want
And I'm not what you want
Then what do you want from me?
I'm screaming “You won!”
At the top of my lungs
So why not be done with me?
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn
Cos boy I don't trust ya
So it's bitter when I say so
I know I still love ya*

That’s it! Word by word, a perfect description of what goes inside her… how she’s done being fooled, how she’s giving up though it hurts her more than anyone can see, how no matter what he’ll say she won’t trust him, how she just wishes everything would end. She’s not just crying anymore, she’s sobbing as all the emotions she has been hiding from seem to immerse. The pain is too real, the fear of having to face this, her whole life, the guilt of not being stronger… stronger enough to make him change. The tears don’t stop falling down and she has to stop the car as she can barely see the road anymore. She looks at herself in the mirror and the desperation in her eyes only make her cry more.

* Song by Cheryl Cole - One Thousand