Friday, January 04, 2013

To friends

I’m still waiting for your call, your text, a sign. I promised myself I would respect the rules I set myself, that I would give you time and space and wouldn’t come around until you asked me too. I couldn’t do anything, say anything, that didn’t feel right, so I made sure you knew you were not alone before I backed off. I’m not great at this part, sharing feelings, saying what goes inside, but for friends we have to face our struggles and step up and that’s what I tried to do. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, well, I always did anyways, but instead of focusing on what’s missing in my life I’m trying to focus on how I can be a better person, a better friend to those around me and part of that resolution is to do my best to make sure that people I care about don’t ever have to be alone.
Being alone can be great, can even be needed for some people at some point, but it can also be terrifying, and unless they are sure that’s what they want to (and even if they do, they’re probably just lying to themselves), no-one should ever have to be alone. No-one should ever have to sit on a cold bathroom floor while crying they’re eyes out, no-one should have to fake a smile on their face when their heart is smashed inside, no-one should have to feel lonely in a room full of friends.
I won’t ask questions, I won’t say a word about it, because I know you. I know you’ll come around when you’re ready, but more important than that, I know you know I won’t ask for details or judge you, that you know I’ll be here no matter what. I don’t need to rush it, though it makes me carry you in my thoughts the whole day, worried. I’m patient, and no matter how long it takes my friend, I’ll be right there when you call. 

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