Result/Resultado

Nota: Versão portuguesa mais abaixo

It’s been a while since I last update you about this project, it’s been even longer since we first started. This is where we got so far and it’s probably going to be a while before we can reach any new goals. The work is never finished, there’s always more to do, but we have to be proud with what we have accomplished so far. This family has a roof now, real walls, windows instead of holes, so even if the job isn’t done, and for us, this is hardly the perfect home I can assure you that Julia’s family is very grateful for all your help.

It’s hard to be content when we feel there’s still so much left to improve, but we just have to find other ways to make a difference and be glad with the support we gain along the way.

"There are no victories, there are only battles, and the best you can hope for is to find some place where you can make your stand. If you are lucky, you will find someone to stand with you.”*

For all of you that one way or the other help us with this project, Thank you very much!

Truth was

Truth was she was afraid of her own mind, afraid of the mood tides, afraid of when it would all strike again.

She always loved the nights, the piece and quite that would bring out the fantasy world, but they could also be daunting. They were also were she couldn’t hide from herself, where she couldn’t procrastinate and had to face all the thoughts she had managed to avoid during the day.

Maybe that was why she would always have trouble to fall asleep, because she would keep pushing things out of her mind until she had no other choice, until she couldn’t stop her own mind, not with laughs, not with music or stories, not with anything.

Truth was that when the day was gone and the skies faded to black she was right back down that rabbit hole. Empty, alone and lost.  

Old Friends

There’s a reason why people grow apart. It’s not always clear after a while. Distance helps to fade the memory and forget how it all happened, but there’s always a reason. It’s easy to miss the old times, to want the never ending conversations back, to have someone who will text you just to say “hello”, to talk about everything and anything.

It’s easy to put aside the little things that used to annoy us, the quirks we didn’t think we could endure anymore, easy to wonder why we ever let that go. It might feel good to get together at some point, share some laughs and find out that despite the time and distance you still know that person better that most their friends. It might be reassuring to know you still care about them and wish them the best and that they still care if you show up. People come and go from our lives every day, and surprisingly enough, some of those who shape you the most don’t stay with you forever.

It’s easy to fall down the memory lane and want it all back, but sooner or later you’ll be reminded that there was a reason…. There was a reason why you grew apart in the first place, and though you’re both different people now, or maybe because of that, things will never be the same.

There’s a time for everything, a time for everyone and sometimes the best we can do is cherish the memories of what once was a great friendship and learn to take the good moments that it’ll give us, now and then, without ever hoping to go back to the past. 

...

It was always harder at night, when she couldn’t ignore the ache in her heart, when there was no work to keep her mind busy, no-one to crack a joke and make her laugh even if it make her feel guilty.

It was always harder when she had the time to punish herself, to wonder if things might had been better is she was different, if she was stronger, if she was enough.  

She liked being alone, or at least she had repeated it to herself so many times that she actually started to believe it, but being alone with her head was sometimes overwhelming.

She pads to the empty bathroom slowly, with a fake tranquility that she has learned to master. A glimpse at the mirror, wanting to find something she’s not even sure what it is, and then her body slowly descends against the wall until it touches the cold tile.

A long arm reaches for the switch turning the lights off, like she doesn’t want anyone to see it, like it matters, though she’s all alone. In pure instinct she curls into her own body, crunches in, as if she could protect her heart, shield it against the things she doesn’t want to fear but knows she can’t avoid. Pressing her hands against her head, her palms covering her hears, in a silly attempt to shut up the screams that are not happening anymore, but still feel real. Struggling to find a reason to keep believing, desperately not wanting to give up, and at the same time wishing she could vanish to somewhere else. 

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What’s the point of managing to touch people if you cannot touch the life you want?

There are choices people do about their lives I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand. I’m not judging, I just don’t get how mess up someone has to be to want to harm themself.

It must be daunting not to see another way, it must be really sad to feel so trapped that you risk it all for 10 minutes of pleasure, it must be awful not to be able to stop, it must be terrible to be so desperate that you need to resort to this stuff to make you to want to live.

It must suck, I’m sure it does, and it’s a disease, whether most people are aware of it or not. And just like any other disease people didn’t chose to be sick, but unlike some other diseases these people can put an end to it. They need help, they need support, but most of all they need to want to get out of it, they need to realize they deserve better, that despite all the things that we hate about life, it’s still worth living.

We can say that we’re over, we can fear that the damage is too big, we can even say we don’t believe anymore, but deep inside the hope never dies, not when it’s someone you love, not when you’re sure that if they manage to get out of that hole you’ll forgive them everything, not when all you want is to be able to be look into their eyes and see the sweet innocent child you saw once. 

What Happens When You Live Abroad/O que Acontece Quando Vives no Estrangeiro

Nota: Versão Portuguesa mais abaixo

What Happens When You Live Abroad

It’s not often that I find a piece that I love so much. I do tend to find small quotes interesting, but usually when it comes to bigger works it always gets to a point that I don’t totally agree with the point of view. Today a friend shared this article and I couldn’t stop myself from reading it. It was long, but with every sentence I was more drawn to it. It’s not easy to explain or put in words something that is so unique, it’s hard to try to make people understand how much a single experience can change your life, change you, but this author has made an excellent work. This is about someone who knows what it is to live abroad (no matter for how long). I’ve selected the parts that I loved the most. I’ll leave the link below should you wish to read the whole article. For those of you who have lived abroad, I think that, just like me you’ll see yourselves in this. For those you haven’t and always wondered what cross our mind to do it… maybe now you’ll understand.

“So many of us, when we leave our home countries, want to escape ourselves. We build up enormous webs of people, of bars and coffee shops, of arguments and exes and the same five places over and over again, from which we feel we can’t break free. There are just too many bridges that have been burned. (…) Walking streets alone and eating dinner at tables for one — maybe with a book, maybe not — you’re left alone for hours, days on end with nothing but your own thoughts. You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and answering them, and taking in the day’s activities with a slowness and an appreciation that you’ve never before even attempted. (…) There is a certain amount of comfort and confidence that you gain with yourself when you go to this new place and start all over again, and a knowledge that — come what may in the rest of your life — you were capable of taking that leap and landing softly at least once. (…) So you look at your life, and the two countries that hold it, and realize that you are now two distinct people. As much as your countries represent and fulfill different parts of you and what you enjoy about life, as much as you have formed unbreakable bonds with people you love in both places, as much as you feel truly at home in either one, so you are divided in two. For the rest of your life, or at least it feels this way, you will spend your time in one naggingly longing for the other, and waiting until you can get back for at least a few weeks and dive back into the person you were back there. (…) To live in a new place is a beautiful, thrilling thing, and it can show you that you can be whoever you want — on your own terms. It can give you the gift of freedom, of new beginnings, of curiosity and excitement. But to start over, to get on that plane, doesn’t come without a price. You cannot be in two places at once, and from now on, you will always lay awake on certain nights and think of all the things you’re missing out on back home.”

Autor: CHELSEA FAGAN

Link for full article

O que Acontece Quando Vives no Estrangeiro

Não é comum encontrar um texto que adore. Tenho por hábito recolher pequenas citações que acho interessantes, mas no que diz respeito a peças maiores, chega sempre a um ponto que discordo de alguma opinião ou ponto de vista. Hoje uma amiga partilhou este artigo e não consegui deixar de lê-lo. Era longo, mas com cada frase ficava mais atraída. Não é fácil explicar ou pôr em palavras algo tão único, é difícil tentar que as pessoas percebam o quanto uma simples experiência muda a tua vida, muda quem és, mas a autora consegue-o de uma maneira fantástica. Este texto fala de alguém que sabe o que é viver no estrangeiro (não importa por quanto tempo). Seleccionei algumas passagens que gostei mais. Deixo o link no final do post para quem quiser ler o artigo completo.

Para aqueles que vivem ou viveram no estrangeiro, penso que, tal como eu, se vão identificar com esta obra. Para aqueles que não o fizeram e que sempre se perguntaram o que nos levou a tomar essa decisão... talvez consigam agora percebê-lo.

Nota: Isto é uma tradução livre da versão original escrita em inglês.

“Tantos de nós, quando deixamos os nossos países, queremos escapar a nós mesmos. Construímos enormes redes de pessoas, de bares e cafés, de argumentos e exs e os mesmos sítios vezes e vezes sem conta, dos quais não conseguimos escapar. Há demasiadas pontas que têm de ser queimadas. (...) Caminhar sozinho nas ruas, jantar numa mesa para um – talvez com um livro, talvez não – és deixado sozinho durante horas, dias no fim, com nada mas os teus próprios pensamentos. Começas a falar contigo próprio, a fazer questões a ti mesmo e a respondê-las, e a falar de actividades diárias com a lentidão e apreço que nunca antes sequer tentaste. (...) Há um certo conforto e confiança que ganhas contigo mesmo, quando vais para um sítio novo e começas do início, e conhecimento que  - aconteça o que acontecer no resto da tua vida – foste capaz de dar em salto e aterrar suavemente pelo menos uma vez. (...) Assim, olhas para a tua vida, e para os dois países que a têm, e percebes que és agora duas pessoas distintas. Por muito que o teu país represente e preencha diferentes partes de ti e do que gostas na vida, por muito que tenhas formados laços inquebráveis com pessoas que amas em ambos os sítios  por muito que te sintas completamente em qualquer um deles, estás dividido em dois. Para o resto da tua vida, ou pelo menos é isso que parece, passarás o teu tempo numa ânsia constante pelo outro [país], à espera que possas voltar, nem que seja apenas por algumas semanas e mergulhar de novo na pessoa que eras lá. (...) Viver num sitio novo é algo lindo e excitante, e pode mostrar-te que podes ser quem tu quiseres – nos teus próprios termos. Pode dar-te o dom da liberdade, de novos começos, da curiosidade e entusiasmo. Mas começar de novo, entrar naquele avião, não vem sem um preço. Não podes estar em dois sítios ao mesmo tempo, e a partir de agora, vais sempre ter noites em que ficas deitado na cama a pensas em tudo o que estás a perder no outro lado."

Autor: CHELSEA FAGAN
Link para Artigo Original

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There are things you like to explore,

Others you crave to debate

Things you want to avoid

And those you want to forget

There are topics you tend to obsess

Others you’d like to understand

Topics you prefer to ignore

And those you fear to face

There are people who color your life

Others who just make you laugh

People you don’t seem to care

And those you wish you could save... 

ESE - Going Back

The place hadn’t changed much, though it had been, what? Almost four years? No, the place hadn’t change much and though she had feared not to remember her way there, she had managed to arrive almost without noticing it. Sure it had been a while since she had last drove that road, but she had done it so many times in the past that she could probably do it with her eyes closed.

She parked in the half full parking lot and took a deep breath, it was strange to be there again. She was excited about the meeting, she was curious to see who else she would find, but for some reason she was slightly nervous too. It felt strange at first to walk those corridors, to see the current students gathered at the door, to look in the cafeteria and not recognize anyone. During a quick visit to the ladies room a girl referred to her as “Madam” and she wondered if she really had changed that much since the last time she had stepped on that building.

It was still early for her appointment so she sat down with her book in the cafeteria, like she had done so many times before. Everything seemed the same and yet everything was changed. She had been so happy there, more than that, she had felt safe, at home, but now that she thought about it she had never come back. Not once. Not until this day.

She remembered the times when the faces used to be familiar. It felt odd to be there alone, but at the same time it was nice to have the chance to slowly take it all in.

She focused on her book but never lost the track at time and at 12 pm exactly she stood and walked to the office she had visited so many times in the past.

“Do you still remember where it is?” the professor asked in her last email. That made her chuckle, if there was one place she would never forget the location was Professor’s Sofia office. A room that she and her colleagues had used often during her student years, where they would seek advice, ask for new material, complain about inflexible professors and unsteady colleagues. The professor was good, she would listen, she would understand but she would never give them full reason, she would never let them use it as an excuse not to do a good work, a great work. She set the standards and earned her respect. Despite being a professor, a figure of authority, someone who would grade their work, the woman was someone down to earth that they could usually rely on to help with whatever the issue was.

And that’s what she was hoping she would still find there. She was in one of those crossroads in life where she could feel the winds of change, the problem was that she wasn’t exactly sure which path to choose.

She wasn’t exactly sure what her expectations about the meeting were, after all, They never gave us answers in this school, she thought as she was getting closer to her destination, they always made us get them on our own.

The professor had told her she had a meeting at 11.30 am, so on her way there she wondered if she should knock, worried who else she would find in the office or if she would interrupt anything. All in vain, as when she came in face with the office the door was already opened for her. She stepped in the door frame and stopped, waiting for an acknowledgment from the other woman that her presence had been noticed. When her eyes rose from the work she was finishing and she greeted her, the younger woman curved her lips into a shy smile and went in. Suddenly she had travelled back four years in time and she was just a student again.

Apart from the professor , the office was empty, and once she closed the door the pressure was off. Alexis had never been a social butterfly, but for some reason this woman made her feel comfortable. It was probably not appropriate to confess but she was almost a mother figure, someone calm, put together and that somehow managed to read her like an open book.

Alexis was shy and reserved, but ever since the first year that woman had managed to see behind her walls, which was fascinating for her. She had an image that she had built, the one that most people saw, but the professor seemed to see what would actually go through her head.

The professor had once confessed her that she was very much alike Alexis when she was young, so the girl wondered if that was how she always seemed to be so in keen with her mind.

They talked for hours and though Alexis was not great in keeping a conversation, they had so many experiences to share that it just naturally happened. The professor seemed to understand her passion for going away and discover the world, but more important than that she understood how those experiences were important for her growth, which she always felt most people didn’t. Maybe she wouldn’t either if she had never gone to that school, where people taught her that knowledge is everywhere, is just a matter of opening our eyes and reflect about your experiences.

They made a quick break for lunch and Alexis joined professor Sofia and some other professors in the cafeteria. There, being recognized by the lunch lady, seeing the familiar faces from the professors that hadn’t changed much over the years and hearing them talking about the regular school problems she started to feel a little less of an outcast.

Once the lunch was over and the professors resumed their tasks, Alexis and the professor walked back to her office to continue their chat. There was no script, no topic and yet they managed to discuss so much. They talked for three hours and the time flew. The professor was one of the only people who could understand the temptation of wanting to go back to something she had left behind, as she had dealt with the same dilemma years ago. Maybe that was why her opinion seemed more valid, because Alexis was sure she knew exactly what she felt.

In the end the professor didn’t give her the answers (like she knew she wouldn’t) but somehow between everything they talked about, her ideas seemed to have settled. There were still no certainties about the future (there never really are, right?), but she could feel the wheels turning in her brain and the engine inside her head starting to work. She knew she would figure it out soon. 

Self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-esteem and self-confidence, how to go past the barriers?

The same comment over and over again. No matter what is the topic or how long you've been involved with it, the feddback is always the same: “You have the skills, we know we can do it, if only you could believe it... You can do great. You just need to work on your self-confidence”.

How do you even build self-esteem? I mean I understand how you can promote other people's self-esteem, but does one develops its own?

The first step is identifying the problem. That's been done, and there's no doubt about it, but what does one do with that information then?

It's funny how people's opinion about someone's capabilities and skills can differ so much from the perception that that person has about herself.

It's a small curse because no matter how talented someone is, no matter how much they invest in something they'll always be holding themselves back because they simply don't believe it.

And rationally maybe they even know it doesn't make sense, but how do you change something that is such a big part of who you are? Where do you even start?

Choices, choices

Sometimes is good to go away for a few days, take a step back from your life in order to figure out the future. You don't even have to conscientiously be aware of it, but being away gives you a different perspective. You understand what you miss and those things you are not exactly forward to come back to and that shows you where you truly stand.
Being away allows you to think about alternative options. An opportunity that sometimes we don't have when we get lost in every day’s routine.

All this thinking isn't necessarily easy or pleasant, because you may realize that once again it's time to stop procrastinating and make a change in your life. And yes, change is good ( even if we always hate it and try to avoid it at first), but it's choosing the right path that's tricky. It's good to have options, but it also makes everything so much harder. How do you ever know if you're making the right choice? How does one make sure not to waste any chances or knows what will be better for the future? How to be sure when it's time to move on even if we miss what it was?

I like plans

I like plans. I’m aware that it’s impossible to plan every minute of your life, but I need structure in mine.

I’ve been lucky enough to have some amazing experiences happening to me as a result of failed plans, so I’m not crushed or freaked out if in, the ends, things don’t go exactly as I designed, nevertheless I need plans.

Plans are good because they allow me to settle, to get ready for whatever it is that it’s coming and to decide whether or not that’s what I want to do with my life. It’s has always bother me not having a plan, and even if I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter, it would annoy me more than I would ever admit.

And it’s funny how things work, you may search for weeks for an alternative, an option for the future and find nothing that fits your needs, and then simply go out for coffee with a friend for a casual conversation and something comes up.

So I’m glad now, because I really like plans and it seems that they’re starting to appear again. 

Back again

Someone pointed out today that I haven’t been writing as regularly as before, and it’s true, I actually had the same exact though this morning. The thing is I need time to process, to dream, to imagine, and sometimes I get caught up in the real world and don’t manage to write as much as I wish. I really miss it though. This wasn’t something I would think about before, but nowadays, sometimes I wish I could just write for hours, days, without having to think about anything else. No schedules, no routines, no plans. There’re probably three things I can imagine myself doing as a dream job and writing would certainly be one of them. It’s always new and exciting, and fun and challenging, it’s refreshing and encouraging and safe and so reassuring.

I’ve always thought I was a terrible speaker, never knowing what to say or when to say it, but now I realize that maybe we’re not all supposed to be talking, maybe some of us suck at it, so that we can hear what’s going on around us and develop our thoughts about it in writing.

Thanks MP for reminding me to take time to write again and for being a loyal “follower” ;)

I want more

Today I start thinking about the future again. Today I start planning. Life's okay but I want to be more than who I am. It's time to regain focus. Everything is an experience, you'll always learn something with everything you do, but the key is to continue to challenge yourself. Embrace the unexpected opportunities but never forget your dreams or what truly drives you. 

This was never supposed to last forever. I’m okay doing what I do, it’s honest, it’s fun, but I want more. I want to know I help people, I want to make people feel better, I want to help them to change their lives, I want to give them hope, I want to do something meaningful.

I know there must be a reason for my brain to flood with these ideas, I know I have to figure out a way to put them out there where they can actually matter. I never feel like I’m wasting my time because I’m always learning something, if not about anything else, at least about myself. But I can feel my mind racing and I know these symptoms, I’ve been here before. I’m tingling, impatient, driven, smelling winds of change but without a clue about where to turn, where to start. Plans, plans, I always need plans and I don’t have one, not yet at least. 

Friends around the world

I’ve always wanted to know the world, always felt trapped when I’m stuck in the same place for too long. I’ve always imagined that it had to be more how there and I always craved to know it all. This is a big world in where we live, but we’re lucky to be a part of a generation who has all the gadgets to make the distance smaller. It’s surreal if you think how same age people live their lives so differently in different parts of the world and I always thought it was interesting to mash it all together and share different experiences.

Working with kids has always been my passion and since they’re the future of the Universe, it only makes sense to me that we start with them, showing them that differences shouldn’t be seen as something bad, but celebrated.

I know we don’t have to go global to change the worl, you can start right at your own backyard, but nowadays when everyone is going abroad and we have friends literally in every corner of the world it seems a waste not to take advantage of that. And I still haven’t figured out how, but I wish I could use my experiences, my travelling and the lovely people I’ve met along the way to do something bigger. We’re all so different, but in their own special way, these are all extraordinary, passionate people, with great hearts and I can’t help but thing that if someone would come up with the right idea and we could work in tandem, we could make a bigger difference.

… So, any ideas? :D

Let the sun shine

Some people are just not born to be happy creatures. It’s not to say that they never experience joy or never laugh, they simply don’t have a predisposition for it. There are people in the world who seem to be able to take everything that’s thrown at them and still smile, others sometimes are not even sure why, but always feel like they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

For some people a crowded room and a life full of friends will never be enough. It’s not that they don’t appreciate it or take it for granted it’s just never seems to truly fulfill their inner needs. People keep looking for someone to change their live, keep searching for that one person who will make the world a brighter place, but they won’t find it, because the truth is that’s something that has to come from the inside.

The power to let the sun shine in your life belongs only to you. And maybe it’s not fair that some people manage to do it so easily and others have to fight so hard against themselves, but no one said it would be easy.

People around you can help to blow the clouds away, but it’s your job to let the sun in.

The Power of Words

Words are a funny concept.

I can smile just by looking at some. I literally have a list of words that for some reason make me feel warm inside, which might sound crazy (and it probably is), but it’s actually a hundred percent true.

Words are great weapons, they can touch hearts and empower people, but like any weapon, when misused they can also be quite destructive.

Words hurt. And I know it’s a cliché, but they can often be more hurtful than physical pain, the damage lasts longer. And the reason for it it’s because a lot of times people don’t even notice what they’re doing or how serious it is.

I’ve always been careful with words…. Probably because I don’t used them often, so I try to at least use them carefully, but it was only recently that I’ve been paying more attention to it.

I started to notice those little episodes from my childhood when someone said something that really got me hard. And even though I’m aware that no-one else remembers it, I still do, because it was hurtful or embarrassing in some way. I know they didn’t mean to and I don’t have any big trauma. I don’t think about it often, but every once in a while those moments pop up in my head, and it’s just made me see how sometimes, without even noticing we can say things that mark people forever.

We’re lucky to be free nowadays. We’re lucky to be able to speak our mind and have our own opinion, but unfortunately we take it for granted and not always use this right carefully. It’s really easy to say something stupid, and it’s going to happen, no matter how careful you are, everyone makes mistakes. However, maybe we should be more aware about the power of words before we start preaching.  The wrong choice of words can damage someone for real, just like the right one can save someone's life, so it’s important that we take time to reflect about what’s coming out of our mouths and decide on which side we want to stand. 

Keep calm and carry on

It used to be different. She used to give in to it, let herself go down the rabbit hole, sink. But she knows better than to indulge herself in this now. She knows she has to fight it, push back, get a hold of herself. She can't avoid the panic, can't deny the fear, but she has a word on what she wants to do with it.

So today she's not going to hyperventilate. Today she's not going to cry. Today she's won't freak out. She's getting better at understanding herself, her reasons, so today instead of feeding the terror she'll calm herself down.

She'll tell herself: “Take it easy, you've got this”, because she knows it's true, because she knows nothing really has changed, it's not that big of a deal. She'll repeat that mantra the whole day if she has to. She'll keep convincing herself that people have her back, so she needs to step up for herself too.

She can do this!

And then, when the day is over she can once again see that she survived, that once again she outdid herself.

Always

“There’s a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not. Everything eventually ends. As much as I’ve looked forward to this day I always disliked endings. The last day of summer. The final chapter of a great book. Parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall. You close the book. You say goodbye. Today is one of those days for us. Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. We’re moving on, but just because we’re leaving and that hurts. There are some people who are so much a part of us, they’ll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our North Star and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us… ALWAYS.”*

Though it's frequently that I find a quote or a lyric that I fall in love due to its accuracy, it is rare for me to find a whole speech that it's perfect in every single word. I've always found funny how we tend to feel so lonely and misunderstood sometimes, like no-one around us could possibly comprehend what we are going through, and somehow we find in some stranger's words exactly what we've been feeling. It's uncanny how people who have never met, who are in different stages in their life, that have totally different characters and experiences can share the same emotions.

I've always dislike endings and yes, part of it is because I'm scared to death of new challenges and fresh starts, but it's more than that, I've always found hard to accept that just because something is ending or simply changing it’s not important anymore.

People get attached to little things, the little pleasures in life, and though you might know it's not real it feels great to have that one thing you can turn to when you need a burst of hope to keep on going. It doesn't necessarily matter if you're saying goodbye to someone real, or just ending a book, a movie, the last episode of a show. Whatever it is that's ending it's one less thing you can refuge yourself in when the world doesn't seem so appealing anymore, and that's both sad and scary.

It's even easier to avoid making choices sometimes, even if it's about something that you really want, because you don't want to risk disturbing the harmony of things, you don't want to be the one to blame if it doesn't turn out as you expected. Humans are creatures of habits and even if what we're used to is not always perfect there's always that comfort of knowing what to expect. Greater things may be coming your way, but you always wonder at what cost.

It's funny that this piece is a part of a valedictorian speech, because this represents so much of what was going through our heads at that point. We all had dreams to follow and paths to build, but we were all so damn scared about what that would mean to our friendships. Time teach us that nothing lasts forever and there's a time in life that that becomes a dreadful thought – Why should you even invest in something (in someone) if you know that, one way or another, it will fade away?

Saying goodbye is never easy and it shouldn't be. The harder the goodbye the more meaningful you know that experience has been for you. We shouldn't fight the sadness when we're faced with yet one more ending, we shouldn't fight the emptiness that fills us when once again we have to say goodbye. Those feelings are there for a reason, they're there to reminds us, that no matter if they’re coming to an end or not these experiences are what keep us alive, what we're here for. It's okay to feel nostalgic sometimes, it's okay to remember the people that are no longer part of our life and feel sad that we’re not able to go back to those times, but deep inside we know who matters. Deep inside we know who were the ones shaping us into who we are today and the best we can do is honor their memory, our memory, because maybe nothing lasts forever, but that doesn't mean it means anything less just because it's over.

* Speech by Molly Quinn as Alexis Castle In Castle S04E23.

New challenges

There are always those moments in life where you are confronted with new challenges. Some love the thrill of something new, personally it makes me sick to my stomach. Rationally I know I’m overreacting, rationally I know I have to be forced to do anything out of my confort zone, because I will never do it on my own.

People always seem to believe I’m more than who I am, that I’m better than who I am, than I can do things that scare me to death. To their credit, when confronted with it I usually survive, but why would someone willingly put themselves in that situation?

We don’t have to always succeed (even though failure feels like hell), and we shouldn’t give in to peer pressure. But if you refuse a new opportunity it should be because you’re certain that it doesn’t appeal you, not because you’re too scared to give it a try. 

To friends

I’m still waiting for your call, your text, a sign. I promised myself I would respect the rules I set myself, that I would give you time and space and wouldn’t come around until you asked me too. I couldn’t do anything, say anything, that didn’t feel right, so I made sure you knew you were not alone before I backed off. I’m not great at this part, sharing feelings, saying what goes inside, but for friends we have to face our struggles and step up and that’s what I tried to do. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, well, I always did anyways, but instead of focusing on what’s missing in my life I’m trying to focus on how I can be a better person, a better friend to those around me and part of that resolution is to do my best to make sure that people I care about don’t ever have to be alone.

Being alone can be great, can even be needed for some people at some point, but it can also be terrifying, and unless they are sure that’s what they want to (and even if they do, they’re probably just lying to themselves), no-one should ever have to be alone. No-one should ever have to sit on a cold bathroom floor while crying they’re eyes out, no-one should have to fake a smile on their face when their heart is smashed inside, no-one should have to feel lonely in a room full of friends.

I won’t ask questions, I won’t say a word about it, because I know you. I know you’ll come around when you’re ready, but more important than that, I know you know I won’t ask for details or judge you, that you know I’ll be here no matter what. I don’t need to rush it, though it makes me carry you in my thoughts the whole day, worried. I’m patient, and no matter how long it takes my friend, I’ll be right there when you call.