Working with kids

I like working with kids, there’s no doubt about it. Sometimes is tough, often is a lot of work, but there’s nothing more rewarding than the smiles and hugs you get when you manage to reach them.

I’m not a happy person, I often get lost in the worries inside my head, so I love when I finish an activity with this feeling of accomplishment. It’s not always clear what goes behind the scenes, some people think it’s just showing up and play some games, but there’s a lot of work behind it. A lot of thinking, a lot of planning, a lot of stress and above all, a lot of challenges. It’s easy to lose the big picture when you’re tired and cranky and… scared, but it’s all worth it. Every step back, every last minute change, every hard group, every panic attack prepares you for something bigger. And if you just hold on long enough, sooner you’ll see how you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Mother's Day/Dia da mãe

Nota: Versão portuguesa mais abaixo

I’ve always had this thing with lists, and writing things down. Maybe because my mind is so messy that I need some sense of structure, maybe because I always had this big fear of forgetting… I don’t know.

When I was younger, whenever I felt wronged or misunderstood by my parents I used to write down all the things I wouldn’t do if I was ever to have children. I wouldn’t take positive notes, but I it was really important for me to have a reminder of all that I didn’t want to become.

I think you go through stages in life… when you’re a child, your parents are your whole world, your saviors, the ones that can make everything right in a second, no matter what. You enjoy spending time with them, you’re eager to please them, and even if you don’t always admit, sometimes you wish you could stay their baby forever. Nothing is too big or too bad, no dream is ever too scary, because you know that all you have to do is run to their arms and everything will be fine again.

Things start changing when you’re not a little kid anymore, when you’re expected to do things on your own, when you realize that there are things that can’t be fixed and some promises that can be broken.  

In your teens, you suddenly realize that your heroes are not perfect, that not only they can’t fix everything, sometimes they just seem to take pleasure in make your day worst. Their priorities are all messed up, they don’t have a clue about what’s really going on with you and they keep calling you out on things that you couldn’t care less about. There’s so much happening around you, so many changes, that it’s hard enough to keep up with it without having to deal with the extra pressure. There’s this strive for independence, the need to find your own identity. Pleasing your parents not only becomes less important, sometimes you even feel the need to make a stand about how different from them you are. It’s a tough period in your life, and even if you play it cool, days where you just wish do disappear come more often than you allow yourself to admit.

Luckily, just as suddenly as it came, all that anger and hate eventually fades away. Some things are never forgotten, and the smallest injustice can still hurt after so many years, but you learn to accept it and move on. Time gives you the ability to see things from a different point of view, and relationships where you try your best though you have no clue of what you’re doing, help you realize how difficult it is to love someone so much without smothering them or try to stop them to make mistakes. You learn to own your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions when the ability to empathize with your parents (that had been lost for years), reappears and it helps you see that maybe, just maybe, some of the pain was also caused by how you decided to deal with things.

You’re not a kid anymore, even if you still haven’t figured out how you feel about it most of the time. Your parents are confiding in you now, asking your opinion, wanting advice, and there’s something about having them admitting that they don’t know all the answers, that makes them more human. Something strikes in you when you understand how hard it is to make choices about a person when you have no guarantees of what will be best for them.  Eventually you start thinking that maybe you should rephrase your lists and instead of focusing on the person that you don’t want to be, you should focus about the one you want to become.

It is said that when you get older, or have children of your own, you finally understand all of those little things that your parents used to do that you hated so much. I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know now that parenthood is tough. And that regardless the fact that in the future you might end up agreeing with their choices or not, for the best and for the worst, parental figures will mark your life.

Sometimes you need to take a step back for a while, but hopefully afterwards, if you look closer you’ll be able to see the whole picture. You won’t magically wake up one day thinking that your parents are the most perfect creatures in the world, but you might realize here and there, how the way you were raised helped you get where you are today.

Dia da Mãe

Sempre tive a mania de fazer listas e escrever anotações. Talvez porque a minha cabeça é tão caótica que preciso de sentir alguma organização, talvez porque sempre tive este medo enorme de me esquecer das coisas… não sei.

Quando era mais miúda, sempre que me sentia injustiçada ou incompreendida pelos meios pais costumava escrever todas as coisas que não faria se alguma vez tivesse filhos. Não apontava factores positivos, mas era muito importante para mim ter algo que me lembrasse daquilo que eu não me queria tornar.

Acho que passamos por diferentes fases durante a vida… quando és uma criança, os teus pais são o teu mundo, os teus heróis, aqueles que, aconteça o que acontecer, podem fazer com que tudo fique bem em apenas um segundo. Gostas de passar tempo com eles, estás sempre ansioso por agradá-los, e apesar de nem sempre admitires, às vezes desejas que pudesses ficar o seu bebé para sempre. Nada é demasiado grande ou mau, nenhum sonho é demasiado assustador, porque sabes que tudo o que tens de fazer é correr para os seus braços que tudo ficará bem.

As coisas mudam quando deixas de ser uma criança pequena, quando esperam que faças coisas sozinho, quando te apercebes que há coisas que não se podem resolver e promessas que se podem quebrar.

Durante a adolescência, de repente apercebeste que os teus heróis não são perfeitos. Que não só não podem resolver tudo, às vezes parecem ter prazer em tornar o teu dia mais difícil. As suas prioridades estão todas trocadas, não fazem ideia do que se passa contigo na realidade, e estão sempre a chamar-te a atenção sobre pormenores que para ti não significam nada. Há tanta coisa a acontecer à tua volta, tantas mudanças, é suficientemente difícil seguir em frente sem ter de lidar com a pressão extra. Há uma necessidade de independência, de encontrares a tua própria identidade. Agradar os teus pais não só deixa de ser menos importante, às vezes tens mesmo a necessidade de mostrar o quão diferente deles tu és. É um período difícil, e mesmo que finjas que não te afecta, dias em que só queres desaparecer são mais comuns do que admites a ti mesmo.

Felizmente, tão depressa como veio, a raiva e o ódio acabam por desvanecer. Algumas coisas não se esquecem, as mais pequenas injustiças ainda magoam passados tantos anos, mas aprendes a aceitá-las e a seguir em frente. O tempo dá-te a capacidade de ver as coisas numa perspectiva diferente, e as relações em que dás o teu melhor apesar de não teres a mais pequena ideia do que estás a fazer, ajudam-te a perceber como é difícil amar alguém e não o sufocar, ou tentar impedir que cometa erros. Aprendes a assumir os teus erros e a aceitar responsabilidade pelas tuas acções quando a capacidade de empatizar com os teus pais (que há anos andava perdida), reaparece e te ajuda a ver que se calhar, parte do problema foi causada pela forma como tu decidiste ligar com as coisas.

Já não és uma criança, mesmo que a maior parte do tempo ainda não tenhas a certeza do que sentes sobre isso. Os teus pais começaram a confidenciar-te os seus problemas, a pedir a tua opinião, a querer conselhos, e há algo no facto de admitirem que não têm todas as respostas que os torna mais humanos.  Há algo que em ti desperta, quando compreendes como é difícil fazer escolhas por alguém sem ter garantias do que é melhor para eles. Com o tempo, começas a pensar em refazer as tuas listas, e ao invés de te focares na pessoa que não queres ser, talvez devesses focar-te na pessoa que te queres tornar.

Dizem que quando cresces, ou tens os teus próprios filhos, finalmente percebes todas as pequenas coisas que os teus pais faziam e que odiavas tanto. Não sei se acredito que isso é verdade, mas sei que ser pai é difícil, e que independentemente do facto de no futuro poderes vir a concordar com as suas escolhas ou não, para o melhor e para o pior, as figuras paternais marcam a tua vida.

Às vezes é preciso distanciarmo-nos por um momento, mas com sorte depois, se olhares com atenção, vais conseguir ver tudo de forma mais clara. Não vais acordar um dia e, magicamente, pensar que os teus pais são as criaturas mais perfeitas do universo, mas talvez que apercebas, aqui e ali, de como a forma como foste criado te ajudou a chegar onde estás hoje. 

From: 13.04.2014

It’s coming. I can fell it.

I’ve been deflecting, it seems to work for a while, but it keeps coming back, and I’m so tired… so tired of these tides, so tired of having to fight them over and over again. And I’ve been fighting, I swear I have, but I don’t seem able to push them away for good.

I won’t go as far as saying that I’ve been good, but I’ve been okay. I’ve been paying attention to the symptoms. I’ve been ignoring the voices in my head that need to be ignored, but though I try to hear only the good ones, I don’t seem able to convince myself to believe them.

And the worst part is that it has been good, I’m doing things, I had a good day, and yet I feel this pain inside, this hole that threatens to swallow me any minute.

And I know it’s me, it’s all me. But why?

I’ve been to so many places, done so much, so why can’t I work this out? Why can’t I get rid of these moods? Why do I have to lose it like this every once in a while? Why can’t I just shake it off?

I don’t go as deep as I used to, but some days I just feel like crying life if there was no tomorrow. 

It's worth it!/Vale a pena!

It’s for moments like this that we do what we do. This is what keeps us going. This is what makes me be certain of the choices I have made. It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely worth it. When you see the huge difference, only a few days can make. When you see the smile on their faces as soon as they see you. When you see the appreciation in their parents eyes. When you hear how thankful they are for your presence in their kids’ life.

When the girl that wouldn’t let go of her mom’s hand drops everything and comes running to you as soon as you arrive, and then you discover that her parents were worried because their toddler has a barrier with people. When she hugs you so close that the language barrier means nothing. When she just look you in the eyes and smile, telling what words could never express.

Thank you little Asia!

Vale a pena!

É por momentos como estes que fazemos o que fazemos. É o que nos move. É isto que me faz estar certa das escolhas que fiz. Nem sempre é fácil, mas sem dúvida que vale a pena. Quando vês a diferença que apenas alguns dias podem fazer. Quando vês o sorriso na cara deles assim que te veem. Quando vez a gratidão no olhar dos seus pais. Quando ouves o quanto estão agradecidos pela tua presença na vida dos seus filhos.

Quando aquela menina que não largava a mão da mãe, larga tudo e vem a correr para ti assim que chegas, e depois descobres que os pais estavam preocupados porque ela tem uma barreira com pessoas. Quando ela te dá um abraço tão apertado que a barreira linguística deixa de existir. Quando ela simplesmente olha nos teus olhos e sorri, dizendo o que as palavras nunca poderiam expressar.

Obrigada pequena Asia!

Never written letters

I’ve been meaning to write you for a while now. There’s so much to tell, and I don’t know where to start.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the future. There are so many things I need to know and don’t know who to ask… Guess nothing changed there.

A few days ago I stumbled, and I feared the worst, but I managed to get back on my feet again soon. I think I’m getting better at fighting it. The rabbit hole doesn’t seem so powerful anymore.

You should be proud to know that I reached out to a couple of people. Shyly and in disguised, but it’s a start.

The future is still scary, mostly because it’s unknown, but I don’t seem to freeze anymore.

The waves of panic are less common now, and I can almost believe them when they say I will make it.

I’ve always heard that with age comes tranquility, or maybe, with time, you just learn to pick your fights. Don’t know each one is true, but I finally seem to be getting less uncomfortable with the outside world.

My dreams haven’t changed much, but I have, and somehow now they seem a little bit more possible. I always felt like I hadn’t found my place in the world, and it wasn’t until recently that I started to think that maybe I just need to create it. Just because your dreams don’t fit in a pre-designed box, it doesn’t mean that you can’t wrap them nicely and be successful.

I have to go now, time is short. It always is, even though some days seem endless. I just wanted to let you know that maybe, just maybe, things will be all right. 

Moments

Moments… of fear, sadness, uncertainty.

Thoughts that come and go in waves, but somehow always find their way back.

Glimpses of the shadows that once overpowered you.

Sounds that bring out the not so happy memories.

The awareness of what’s at stake.

The knowledge that you have to find a way to fight, if you don’t want to be swallowed by the dark clouds.

The agility of the events, how fast you can go from being great to feeling… lost.

The loneliness that reminds you of how little your old enemies have changed.

The time that moves so fast and not at all. Your person who has change so much and not a bit.

A shrinking heart and a mind that seems to only grow in the wrong direction.

Feelings overriding reason.

Familiar symptoms, but the cure yet to be found.

A lingering question… Will you ever defeat it for real?

Moments… to keep calm, reflect and control.

Moments that throw you back to the past when you try to think about the future.

Moments that can defy how the next days, weeks, months, and even years will go. 

There’s a moment when everything changes

Do you ever stop for a moment and wonder “What am I doing with my life?”

“Where will I go from here?”

I have moments I look back and fear that in a few years I will realize that time has gone by and I have done nothing with my life, that I’ll have nothing to show, and it scares me. I’m learning to leave in the moment, but when I dare to think about the future it’s scary to realize how far I  am from everything that I had planned.

Time won’t stop while we figure life out, and whatever your choices are, there’s no turning back.

Everything used to be so clear, I used to have a plan, and I don’t know what I fear the most, the fact that I don’t have one, or the fact that I’m not panicking without it. I wonder if I should worry that the years keep moving and I’m yet to find my place, but do we ever really know where we’re going? Or is it that just a lie we tell ourselves to be able to sleep at night?

I came to terms with it, I’ve accepted that the journey may change your final destination, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’ve always been a dreamer and one of my biggest fears is to achieve nothing. And if you ask me if I’m closer to my goal than I was 5 years ago, I can’t be sure I am, but then I look back and see everything I’ve experienced and I can’t help but feel lucky to have been where I have been.

However, I can’t deny that there’s this simultaneous feeling of having done so much and anything at all, of having grown so much and yet not enough, of feeling that you’re in the right path and that it might lead you nowhere, of not knowing where you want to go, but being sure that you’re not there yet.

It feels right, it’s like you know that every person and every single experience you’re having is changing you, that each of them is teaching you something, and you’re happy following the tune, but you can’t help but wonder where it will lead. You can’t help but wonder when the time to start figuring things out will come.

There’s a moment when everything changes, will you be able to recognize it when it comes?

Inspiration

Inspiration always seems to strike more when you’re down. Maybe it’s because that’s when all defenses are down and the thoughts you always try to avoid push through.

Maybe it’s because it’s when you feel lonely and misunderstood and you just pour out your feelings without seconds thoughts. Maybe it’s because it’s when you alienate yourself from the rest of the world and go to that special place inside your head. Or maybe none of this is true at all! Maybe inspiration is always there, but when they’re happy thoughts you don’t have the same urge to kick them out. 

Stories behind History/ As histórias por detrás da História

Nota: Versão portuguesa mais abaixo. 

Travelling is more than nice pictures and heavenly landscapes, more than trying new dishes and hearing a different language. Travelling is about the stories behind the History. It’s about going to places were terrible things happened, not because you want to check another touristic place on your list, but because you know that even if it’s unpleasant and uncomfortable, there are certain things that should not be ignored.

We’ve all read the facts and heard the numbers, but to see it, to feel it, to imagine it… that’s different. History tells us about the events, but places like this tell us about the people. And all the stories and dreams that never had a chance to complete.

And the more you think about it, the more you wonder how someone can do such things to another human beings… worst… to millions of other human beings. You can’t understand how it ever got that far. How one person with one idea can cause so much damage.

It makes you think about the power of words and ideas, misconceptions and stereotypes.

Since we think about it as History, there’s a false reassurance that 

this was ages ago, except it wasn’t. It’s still quite recent. And with nations still fighting for personal interests, with racism still so present, with the constant need to label everyone… is the world really that much different from what it was 70 years ago?

It’s sad that we need places like Treblinka¹ to remind us to think about these things, but because we’re selfish or to protect our sanity there are things we don’t like to think about. Maybe because it’s so bad that we wish they weren’t true. However, denial is more dangerous than any crazy idea, so we can’t let History be forgotten. We can’t let those stories be in vain.

As histórias por detrás da História

Viajar é mais do que fotografias bonitas e paisagens deslumbrantes, mais do que provar pratos novos e ouvir uma língua diferente. Viajar é descobrir as histórias por detrás da História. É visitar sítios onde coisas horríveis aconteceram, não porque queres riscar mais um sítio turístico da tua lista, mas porque sabes que mesmo que seja desagradável e desconfortável, há certas coisas que não devem ser ignoradas.

Todos conhecemos os factos e ouvimos os números, mas vê-lo, senti-lo, imaginá-lo… isso é diferente. A História conta-nos sobre os eventos, mas sítios como este contam-nos sobre as pessoas. E todas as histórias e sonhos que nunca tiveram oportunidade de concretizar.

E quanto mais pensamos sobre isso, mais nos perguntamos como alguém pode fazer tão mal a outro ser humano… pior… a milhões de outros seres humanos. É difícil perceber como chegou a tão longe. Como uma pessoa com uma ideia pode causar tantos danos.

Faz-nos pensar no poder das palavras e das ideias, equívocos e estereótipos.

Como pensamos nisso como História, há um falso conforto de que é um passado longínquo. Mas não é.  É ainda bastante recente. E com as nações que continuam a lutar por interesses pessoais, com o racismo ainda tão presente e com a constante necessidade de rotular toda a gente… está o mundo tão diferente do que era há 70 anos atrás?

É triste que precisemos de lugares como Treblinka² para nos lembrar de pensarmos sobre estas coisas. Por egoísmo ou para protegermos a nossa sanidade há coisas sobre as quais não gostamos de pensar. Talvez porque é uma realidade tão negra que não queremos acreditar que seja verdade. Contudo, a negação é mais perigosa do que qualquer ideia, por isso não podemos deixar a História ser esquecida. Não podemos deixar que estas histórias tenham sido em vão.

¹ Treblinka Penal Labor Camp and Extermination Camp

² Campo de trabalhos forçados e Campo de Exterminação de Treblinka

Follow your heart/Segue o teu coração

Nota: versão portuguesa mais abaixo

Do not let fear stop you.

Surround yourself with people that inspire you.

Do not settle for anything else than your dreams. However, remember to enjoy the journey while you try to make them real.

Failures become experience and uncertainties will fade away. Shut down that voice that says that you’re aiming too high. Your dreams can only be stolen from you by yourself.

Respect yourself. Do not sell yourself short, don’t think that you’re bigger than you really are. Find what keeps you grounded.

Make the most of every adventure, give it your best shot and take the best of it with you.

Cry, if you have to, but let the laugh destroy your demons.

Get involved, allow yourself to get attached, dreams mean nothing if there’s no-one to share them with.

Find the things that make you smile and do them more often. Life’s too short to postpone.

If you’re looking for happiness look inside yourself, nothing will give you more satisfaction than feeling fulfilled.

Don’t stop working on yourself, that’s the biggest project you’ll ever have. Think through, evaluate and progress, but do not kill yourself with regret.

Give yourself a breather, allow things to happen and remember, each detour will lead you to another roll of possibilities.

Stay focused, but don’t forget to live. You’ll get there when you’re ready.

Work hard, but enjoy the process. Do not rush through it, don’t let things go past you unnoticed.

Collect the best of those you admire, but don’t let yourself be define by anyone but you.

Learn to forgive yourself, to cut off some slack. Remember that if you’re not better that anyone it doesn’t make sense that you have to live up to higher standards.

Enjoy yourself, learn to follow your own advice and above all… follow your heart!

Segue o teu coração

Não deixes que o medo te pare.

Rodeia-te de pessoas que te inspiram.

Não te contentes com nada que seja menos do que os teus sonhos, mas lembra-te de aproveitar a viagem enquanto tentas torná-los reais.

Os erros transformam-se em experiência e as incertezas vão desaparecer. Ignora aquela voz que diz que estás a sonhar demasiado alto. Só tu podes roubar os teus próprios sonhos.

Respeita-te. Não te convenças que vales menos do que és, não penses que és maior do que na realidade. Encontra o que te mantém humilde.

Chora, se precisares, mas deixa que o riso destrua os teus demónios.

Envolve-te, permite-te criar laços, os sonhos não significam nada se não tiveres com quem os partilhar.

Encontra o que te faz sorrir e fá-lo com mais frequência. A vida é demasiado curta para continuares a adiar.

Se procuras felicidade, olha para dentro de ti, nada traz mais satisfação do que te sentires realizado.

Continua a investir em ti, este é o maior projecto que alguma vez terás. Pensa, avalia e progride, mas não te mates com arrependimentos.

Para para respirar, deixa que as coisas aconteçam e lembra-te que cada desvio abre um novo leque de oportunidades.

Mantém-te focado, mas não te esqueças de viver. Vais lá chegar quando estiveres preparado.

Trabalha duro, mas não te esqueças de apreciar o processo. Não te apresses, não deixes que as coisas te passem ao lado.

Colhe o melhor daqueles que admiras, mas não te deixes definir por alguém que não és.

Aprende a perdoar-te, a dar-te um desconto. Lembra-te que se não és melhor que os outros, não faz sentido que tenhas de responder a padrões mais elevados.

Diverte-te, aprende a seguir os teus próprios conselhos, e acima de tudo… segue o teu coração!

Rome wasn’t built in a day

Have you ever wanted something so hard that you ended up sabotaging yourself?

It’s good to be focused and to have ambition, but how far should you take it?

When instead of driving you, that will is turning every little mistake into huge failures maybe is time to step back and reevaluate.

It’s cocky even, to expect to be able to learn that fast. And that’s not who you are, not who you want to be. It’s just… you are so eager to know, to understand!

You’re learning, rationally you know it, but why doesn’t it have to be so slow?  

Why does it feel like you learning so much and yet you don’t know anything?

You feel the frustration coming, but you have to remind yourself to ignore it, because you are your own worst enemy, and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

There are dreams and wishes, hopes and silly ambitions.

From the child that smiles, to the adult who now only cries.

There are truths and lies, and secrets that everyone denies.

Is it real, or is it not? Or is it all part of a bigger plot?

There’s good and bad, and the fear of what lies ahead.

What was safe is now unsure, and in your heart you feel so poor.

But there are days when the sun shines, so you believe the change of tides.

‘Cause time has passed and the kid has grown, but real dreams never get old.

So you hold on and push it through, because maybe one day they will be true.

Far, not Away/Longe, não distante

Note: Versão portuguesa mais abaixo

There’s a tranquility that comes when being away from home. The peacefulness that comes with seeing everything for the first time and not having a role defined. It’s refreshing to start over without having to lose the past. To test things out without the need to meet pre-defined standards.

There’s a joy that comes when meeting people who also think the world is too small and too big at the same time. People that feel trapped if stuck in one place for too long. It’s reassuring to know there are others out there who’ve seen so much and yet not enough, others who dream of more… more people, more cultures, more lands, more stories.

There’s a hope that comes with getting to know people who come from so far, that were raised so differently and yet seem to understand these urges better than your closest friend. It’s empowering to feel how far you can go when you push yourself, when you don’t let yourself be defined by your fears.

But everything in life comes at some cots…

So there’s this voice in your head that wonders if something will ever be enough, if one day you’ll want to stay forever. A sadness that peeks every now and then for knowing what you might be risking. The guilt that follows every time you feel like you should be somewhere you are not.

There’s a wish to be in two places at the same place, the want to share things with some people even if you know it wouldn’t be the same if they were there. There are highs and lows, moments of certainty and insecurity, but there’s also something much bugger that comes out relationships are put to the test and overcome it.

There’s something warm that grows inside when you discover that despite time and distance some things never change. When you learn that only by putting yourself first sometimes you can continue to be the person that everyone needs you to be.

Longe, não Distante

Há uma tranquilidade que vem com o estar longe de casa. Uma calma que vem com ver tudo pela primeira vez e não ter um papel definido. É refrescante começar de novo sem ter de perder o passado, testar coisas novas sem ter de responder a padrões pré-definidos.

Há uma alegria que vem com conhecer pessoas que também pensam que o mundo é demasiado pequeno e grande ao mesmo tempo. Pessoas que se sentem presas quando paradas num lugar durante muito tempo.

É reconfortante saber que há outros por aí que já viram tanto e ainda assim não o suficiente, outros que sonham com mais… mais pessoas, mais culturas, mais terras, mais histórias.

Há uma esperança que vem com conhecer pessoas que vêm de tão longe, que foram criadas de formas tão diferentes e ainda assim parecem perceber estas necessidades melhor do que o teu amigo mais próximo.

Dá-te força sentir o quão longe podes ir quando te desafias, quando não deixas que os teus medos te definam.

Mas tudo na vida vem com um preço…

Por isso, há aquela voz na tua cabeça que se pergunta se algo alguma vez será suficiente, se algum dia quererás ficar para sempre. Uma tristeza que espreita de vez em quando, por saber o que estás a arriscar. A culpa que te segue sempre que sentes que devias estar onde não estás.

Há o desejo de estar em dois sítios ao mesmo tempo, a vontade de partilhar coisas com algumas pessoas ainda que saibas que não seriam o mesmo se eles lá estivessem.  Há altos e baixos, momentos de certeza e insegurança, mas há também algo maior que surge quando as relações são postas à prova e sobrevivem.

Há algo caloroso que cresce lá dentro quando descobres que apesar do tempo e da distância há coisas que não mudam. Quando aprendes que apenas pondo as tuas necessidades primeiro de vez em quando podes continuar a ser a pessoa que todos precisam que sejas.

Ever felt?...

Ever felt like the world is too big and too small at the same time? That you want to build something, but can’t dare to imagine yourself stuck at the same place forever?

Ever felt like this couldn’t be just it? That you know that you’re meant for more, but don’t even know where to begin?

Ever felt like no-one gets it? That you can’t even start to make people around you understand what you can’t even explain to yourself?

Ever felt the need to go away? To force yourself into change, even though you hate it, because you know that worse than feel fear is feel nothing?

Ever felt fear and excitement at the same time? The feeling of being overwhelmed and not having enough taking over you?

Ever felt like you’re over your head? That you can’t come up with a suggestion if your life would depend on it, even though ideas keep flooding your head?

Ever felt like you don’t know where you’re going? That you’re lost, but you’re not adrift, because you know (hope) you’ll find your place one day?

Ever felt like you’ve done nothing, when you look back? Even though you’ve grown so much with your experiences?

Moving on... and out

Strange, this need to move when I hate change, how being too long in the same place bothers me when all ever wanted was stability. But there’s a difference between being sill and being stale, just like there’s is a difference between searching for something and just wanting to look for what else is out there.

They say that "Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable”* and maybe that’s what keeps me moving, maybe that’s why I keep trying to find a place where I can make a difference, even if I know that the location doesn’t really matter, that you can touch people’s lives anywhere you go.

New places scare me, new people terrify me, but there’s nothing I fear most than to watch the years go by and see that I haven’t done something that really mattered. 

*Shakespeare Quoted by Thomas Gibson as Aaron Hotchner In  Criminal Minds S01E06

O segredo é a própria infância/The secret is childhood itself

Note: English version below!

O segredo é a própria infância

Cada um de nós vive a sua infância com maior ou menor emoção, com ternura ou decepção lamentativa.

Cada um de nós tem uma motivação particular para se interessar pelas crianças.

Cada um de nós adere, de acordo com as vivências do passado, a uma ideologia colectiva de interesses pela pessoa e pela personagem da criança.

Os adultos podem desprezar, detestar, amar ou venerar a criança, mas a nenhum adulto a criança pode ser indiferente. Não e pode ser indiferente nem à própria infância nem à infância dos outros.

Cada um de nós vive a sua própria experiência infantil.

Cada um de nós aprende a guardar para si certas emoções, decepções, humilhações.

Cada pessoa guarda um segredo.

O segredo do homem é a própria infância.

Fonte: Ensaios sobre a educação II – O Falar de Letras, Horizonte, Biblioteca do Educador, p.312, 1991. João dos Santos

The secret is childhood itself

Each of us lives their childhood with more or less excitement, with tenderness or disappointment.

Each of us has a particular motivation to be interested in children.

Each of us defines, according to the experiences of the past, the collective ideology of interests for the person and the character of the child.

Adults can despise, hate, love or worship children, but no adult can be indifferent to a child. No-one can be indifferent to his own childhood or the childhood of others.

Each of us lives with our own childhood experience.

Each of us learns to keep to ourselves certain emotions, disappointments, humiliations.

Each person keeps a secret.

The secret of the Man is his own childhood.

Source: Fonte: Ensaios sobre a educação II – O Falar de Letras, Horizonte, Biblioteca do Educador, p.312, 1991. João dos Santos

There was a time

There was a time when all was perfect, though you were unaware. Life was breezy, dreams were hopeful and the life ahead of you exciting. There were certainties, friendships for life and troubles fixable with cuddles.

There was a time when everything was suddenly wrong, and it was right on your face no matter how much you tried to ignore it. The journey was dull, the nights a shelter, and a way out not in sight. There were too many questions, people who became strangers and a hole no-one could fill in.

There was a day you discovered you were in control, and you hadn’t even noticed. Life was bearable, dreams were just fiction and you could breathe again. You had learned to cope with the questions, understood there aren’t perfect people and realized that maybe you are the one responsible to fill in the void. 

One day

One day I’ll be the person that stays

One day I’ll find my solid ground

One day I won’t strive to run away

But today is not that day.

One day the hunt will stop

One day the reason will be found

One day I’ll no longer fail

Until then I can only promise to be a message away.

Right place, right time!

Every time I’m about to get back I get nervous.

I can’t help but have high expectations, though I pushed them away.

Every single time I try to convince myself that it won’t be like in my dreams… and it isn’t.

I can’t stop myself from hoping it will be amazing, but it’s more than that, it’s perfect!

I keep saying that distance doesn’t break relationships, people do. That distance doesn’t have to be the ending, that it doesn’t have to mean anything at all, that it is what we do with it and what we’ve built before that defines who we are and the people that remain in our life. However, sometimes it’s hard to believe that eventually the love won’t fade away. 

Each and every single time I prepare myself for what might have changed, and each and every single time they prove me wrong. 

It took less than 5 minutes to feel like I was back, because love has nothing to do with time. It can’t be measured or planned it’s just there. 

I’m not usually like that and I can’t even put it in words, but it just feels… right. Every second of it, every second with them it’s pure joy. 

People change, kids grow up and life goes on, but some things never change. And when the first thing you hear from someone you haven’t seen in a year and a half is “Can you stay forever?" and “I have your picture in my bedroom and it makes me sad, because it reminds me how much I miss you" you know you are in the right place!

Happy Birthday my loves!

Stories

There are stories that change your life. 

Stories that force you took look inside yourself, question who you are and what you want to become.

There are stories of people that make you rethink what once was simple and clear.

Stories that inspire you to want more, to be more.

There are stories that mean the world at a specific time in your life, and others that stay true throughout the whole journey. 

Stories of people, real or fictional, that teach you lessons and remain in your heart no matter what.