From: 13.04.2014

It’s coming. I can fell it.

I’ve been deflecting, it seems to work for a while, but it keeps coming back, and I’m so tired… so tired of these tides, so tired of having to fight them over and over again. And I’ve been fighting, I swear I have, but I don’t seem able to push them away for good.

I won’t go as far as saying that I’ve been good, but I’ve been okay. I’ve been paying attention to the symptoms. I’ve been ignoring the voices in my head that need to be ignored, but though I try to hear only the good ones, I don’t seem able to convince myself to believe them.

And the worst part is that it has been good, I’m doing things, I had a good day, and yet I feel this pain inside, this hole that threatens to swallow me any minute.

And I know it’s me, it’s all me. But why?

I’ve been to so many places, done so much, so why can’t I work this out? Why can’t I get rid of these moods? Why do I have to lose it like this every once in a while? Why can’t I just shake it off?

I don’t go as deep as I used to, but some days I just feel like crying life if there was no tomorrow.