Sunday, March 23, 2014

There’s a moment when everything changes

Do you ever stop for a moment and wonder “What am I doing with my life?”

“Where will I go from here?”

I have moments I look back and fear that in a few years I will realize that time has gone by and I have done nothing with my life, that I’ll have nothing to show, and it scares me. I’m learning to leave in the moment, but when I dare to think about the future it’s scary to realize how far I  am from everything that I had planned.

Time won’t stop while we figure life out, and whatever your choices are, there’s no turning back.

Everything used to be so clear, I used to have a plan, and I don’t know what I fear the most, the fact that I don’t have one, or the fact that I’m not panicking without it. I wonder if I should worry that the years keep moving and I’m yet to find my place, but do we ever really know where we’re going? Or is it that just a lie we tell ourselves to be able to sleep at night?

I came to terms with it, I’ve accepted that the journey may change your final destination, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’ve always been a dreamer and one of my biggest fears is to achieve nothing. And if you ask me if I’m closer to my goal than I was 5 years ago, I can’t be sure I am, but then I look back and see everything I’ve experienced and I can’t help but feel lucky to have been where I have been.

However, I can’t deny that there’s this simultaneous feeling of having done so much and anything at all, of having grown so much and yet not enough, of feeling that you’re in the right path and that it might lead you nowhere, of not knowing where you want to go, but being sure that you’re not there yet.

It feels right, it’s like you know that every person and every single experience you’re having is changing you, that each of them is teaching you something, and you’re happy following the tune, but you can’t help but wonder where it will lead. You can’t help but wonder when the time to start figuring things out will come.

There’s a moment when everything changes, will you be able to recognize it when it comes?

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