Sometimes I just have this utter need to feel
sad.
As if a switch is turn on inside me and I can’t
stand feeling so light. As if I need to feel pain and sadness taking over. I
might be having a good day, my mood might be far from dark, and yet I’m
overcome by this suddenly need to change it… and so I need to go and find the
darkest movies scenes I remember, re-read the saddest stories I’ve saved beforehand,
listen to that impossibly depressing playlist.
I don’t know how to be a happy person, I’m always
waiting for the other shoe to drop. So maybe that’s what it is, maybe
unconsciously I’m trying to keep myself in check, keeping my guard up.
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