Some days

Some days I just want to stay in bed. I have no strength, nothing that that can convince me to get up and do something useful with myself. I want to stay there forever, cuddled up in my own bubble, hidden inside the walls I never even noticed I was creating. I lay there, and though my body is still my mind keeps working, hoping, dreaming about all the things I’ll never do and the ones I wish I could. Still awake, I close my eyes and design utopic plans that can never be. I look back at the years that have passed, wondering if I should accept them for what they are… unrealistic dreams.

Some days I’m flooded by bursts of energy. I can’t keep up with my own brain, so many ideas that it’s hard to focus on the every day tasks. I go through my day, body present but mind miles away, trusting, believing that one day I’ll find a way to make the dreams come true, that one day all the uncertainties will pay off. I write lists, define goals, dare to envision all I could do I if I’d ever find my shot, if I’d ever manage to create it. I look into the future, to all the greatness I could still achieve.

Some days are better than others, but what all of them have in common are the dreams, they might happen in a lonely bed or on a busy street, but they’re always there. More or less realistic, they remain with me through the ups and downs. And I guess in a way that what still drives me, because if they’re the only constant thing in my life… that’s got to mean something, right?