Sunday, February 26, 2012

Dark days


I have these things sometimes, these moments when I snap. I just go back to that dark place, when I don’t want to be here. Yes, to be fair I do travel in my mind often and it’s not unusual for me to want to go back there, but this is different. This is not just me wanting to go to my little world, it’s not standing to be here. It’s desperation, it’s having to run away. An overwhelming crankiness takes over me and though I’m aware I can’t prevent it. It’s odd because it’s so sudden yet strong. I can’t quite describe it rather than to say that it’s so powerful that affects me even physically. I feel this weird pressure inside of me, my heart getting tighter and tighter.
I know how to fix it… I need to crawl up in my bed with my Ipod, lay in the dark. Just lay there on my own, not having to see or speak to anybody. I just can’t stand people when I’m like that.
Today is one of those days that I just feel like running back home, hide under some cozy blankets, hopefully fall asleep fast and just wake up in another (better) day.
I’m tired, upset, not even mad… just defeated really. It’s hard to let go even when you know you should. It’s annoying that you can’t avoid to be bored with non-sense things like this.
I don’t want to be here anymore, not today. Tomorrow it will be different. Well, not really, everything will probably be exactly the same but I’ll be ready to cope with it. Tomorrow none of this will seem as big or important, I know, but as for now I just want to close my eyes and run back to my safe little shelter.

Little mash up, original pieces were written on December 8th 2011 and February 19th 2012

5 comments :

anneetromp said...

aye, aye, your words are so hauntingly meaningful today!!! Sometimes, we just need to return to our animal state and live the atavistic way, fight or flight mode. There are times this MUST be our way of being, even if only for a short while, when we connect to our very inner core......love you bjs xxx

Rita said...

Oh como eu te compreendo...

Marco Mateus said...

Ya como te compreendo. Como e bom voltar a ler um dos teus textos. Beijinhos.

Filipa Ferreira said...

é bom saber que continuas a visitar Marco.

Filipa Ferreira said...

Luv u too Anne :)