Monday, October 03, 2011

When there's nothing to get

Sometimes there’s no reason, no logic. It just comes and swipes you down. You don’t see it coming, you can’t get why it happened. You can spend hours looking back, rationalizing, trying to get it, but you won’t. It’s not fair, it doesn’t make sense. It hurt, breaks you apart. You’re left in tiny little pieces. Crying, wondering, why? You want to get back to what it was. You don’t want to believe it was all vain.
You’re having troubles believing that’s who he really was. You couldn’t be that wrong. Was it really just a game? How much of it was true? And you hate him but you love him. And you want to scream and hit him but you still wish he would just take you in his arms and tell you it was all just a nightmare. You go to sleep wishing the world will play it’s magic and everything will be fine again. You don’t even want it to be perfect anymore you just want it not to be gone.
How to survive this? How to recover? You toss and turn trying to understand where it all went wrong. You try to excuse him it’s too humiliating to be that naïve. You kick yourself down, you blame it on you too. Where did you fail? It’s unbearable to imagine this pain will last forever. No-one can understand how broken your heart feels. They tell you to move on but that seems so crazy. How can you ever believe again? What’s the point of going through all of it again? Everyone is saying it’ll get better, that eventually the pain will fade away. But when you’re so damaged inside that day sees never come. All you want to do is runaway and vanish, away from all the stares, away from all the pity. You just want someone to come and hold you like when you were a child and protect you from the world and reassure you you’ll be fine. Just someone that understands and that doesn’t try to fix it. Someone that gives you all the time and doesn’t try to push it. You don’t want to hear you’ll find someone else, because you don’t want anybody anymore. You just want that person to be quiet and hug you, so in spite all that happen you’ll feel a ray of love and hope.

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