Breathe in, breathe out

There’s nothing major going on and yet your mind is running 1000 mph. you’re exhausted, but a rush of adrenaline takes over and won’t let you stop. You can’t relax, and at the same time you don’t seem able to focus on anything long enough to make it productive.

Your heart beats fast inside your chest and suddenly you feel trapped inside your own home. You take a breather and walk out. Thinking the fresh air might help. Hoping observing other people takes you out of your own head.

You start moving and find your pace, headphones in your ears to prevent you from hearing the voices inside your head, and you focus. You focus really hard not to focus on anything at all. It seems simple enough, but not for you, always wired up.

You find your rhythm, the songs filling your head, but still there’s something not quite right.

You’re hyperaware. The smallest movement makes you startle and there’s this tightness in your chest you can’t explain. You force yourself to push through, though at this point you know it’s not working.

You try to ignore the signals you know all too well. Hoping you can snap out of it before it’s too late, but you feel the doubt creeping in, the self-loathing peeking out and you know you might just lose this battle.