I love this game

Such a good feeling when you get to do something you’ve always loved but haven’t had the opportunity to do in a while!

I know distance it's said to tear people apart and make you forget things you like, but somethings just don’t change. The true passions in your life can’t be erased neither by distance nor obstacles. They may be put aside for periods of time but when you have a chance to do them again it all comes back to you in a flash. You’ll be drawn to it like you had never left.

It’s easy to overlook the little joys in life, to take for granted what you have. It’s even easier to try to forget how much you love something that you can’t do anymore in order to cope with it, but no matter how much you lie to yourself, once you’re confronted with it you won’t be able to deny how happy you are to have it back. It’s only when you get to play it again that you realize how much you’ve missed it. It’s addictive, it’s inexplicable the feeling of pure pleasure that can come along with something as simple. There’s nothing that compares to the feeling of having that basketball in your hands again, to take a shot and hear that “swish”…

And yes, you meet amazing people, and being a part of a team is one of the best experiences you can have, but even if you take all of that away and just focus on the game itself you will still be able to feel the magic, and you’ll know it when you notice that just by entering the court you already have a smile on your face.

I love this game, because when it’s good it’s great but what makes it special is that even when it’s bad it’s still good!

Where are you now?

Like a ghost your presence lingers here.

I can feel you, I can smell you, I can almost touch you but you can’t see me, no, you can’t even hear me.

I stand still, hoping one day you’ll notice me, wishing someday I’ll wake up next to finally find your body next to mine again.

The empty space between us keeps growing and my silent screams seem never able to reach you.

I’m not weak, I don’t want to be broken, but this can’t be it...

Loose thoughts

Empty your mind
Open your heart
Free your fear
Share your love

Family is Family

Remember all those gatherings, the lunches, the breaks between classes, the moments in the locker room. Think about all the fights, the arguments and disagreements. The times you said you couldn’t take it anymore and you wished it would all go away soon.

The people you weren’t able to tolerate anymore because you had reached that point that everything they did or said was utterly annoying. Look back now, and tell me you don’t miss it. Lie to me if you don’t want to recognize that despite all the bad stuff, that is still part of the best half of your life. Admit that you’re afraid they don’t feel the same, that you can’t bare the idea of losing someone that you hate as much as you love.

Forget about blood, surnames, genetic and legal descriptions, family is not something you can describe or stereotype, it’s something that you just feel inside of you.

I’m not talking about dreamy people or perfect lives, I’m referring to the mess we have to face every day. The moments when even though no one else could find a reason to fight we stuck together and made it happen.

It’s when you don’t have to love that person every single second, or even see her as much as you probably should. It’s the comfort of knowing that a good laugh will eventually come, that even if you are one ocean away they will squeeze you as tight as always the next time they see you, that nothing can tear you apart and that even if it would, it could never be strong enough to erase the story you shared.

It is often said that you can’t choose your family, I beg to differ, because

“Family is family. Whether it's the one you start out with, the one you end up with, or the family you gain along the way”*

* By Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado in Modern Family

Humanitarian Work

It is hard to live a life without a house, without money, without the basic things you need to survive. However, poverty is not all about material things. Harder than going through a life without luxuries is having face it on your own. It’s easy to feel unwanted when all you know is misery and pain. People around the world have the most brutal life experiences, orphan children, men and women who’ve lost their entire families. For these people it’s not only the lack of food that makes them poor, but not having the support system needed to overcome their losses. Humanitarian organizations and volunteers around the world develop a crucial work not only in providing the food and resources that people require to live, but also by showing them that they are not alone. When the world seems to be against you it’s important to know that someone cares and humanitarian organizations have the tough, though, rewarding role of giving these people a glimpse of hope. By showing them that the world can still be a good place and that they are not alone, humanitarian organizations help to make people richer in their hearts. 

Update

Hi everyone, 

A quick post today just to give you all a little update regarding Operation: Let's Build a House. To the ones who are not familiar with it you can check the video here or read the entire description here.

With your contributions we've manage to out the electricity in the whole place and will start next week the work to put up the windows. I imagine that you are all curious to know exactly what is being done, I am too, so I'll try to get some pictures once the Windows are up so I can share with all of you that are helping us promoting this cause.

To keep up with any updates you can add us on Facebook - Let's Build a House, or even on Twitter - FiKath.

I heard from Julia and the kids today, they are so thankful for what we're doing, and we are thankfull to you because we couldn't have done it alone. 

We have another project set to be released soon that will cross the purposes of this blogs with the goals of this cause and hopefully allow us to reach even better results, so keep posted.

To help you can click the PayPal button on the right side of this screen or donate your contribution to

Bank: Montepio Geral

NIB: 0036 0001 991 00068244 49 (if you are in Portugal)

IBAN: PT50 0036 0001 991 00068244 49 (if you are an international reader)

Besides that, please share this cause with everyone you know.

Thank you loves :)

Invisible Children

It all starts with an idea. All you have to do is be bold enough to believe in it and make it possible. Don't give up. A couple months ago I've started my own project - #LetsBuildaHouse. My little way of trying to make a difference in someone's life. There were moments I didn't thought it was possible, that by myself I could make help to improve someone's life but I still gave it a shot and I'm happy, because little by little we are helping that family. 

This project that I present you today has come a much longer way, but that doesn't mean they don't need our help anymore. It's time that we all stop complaining and start to do something. Please watch the video bellow, it's a bit long but definetely worth it. 

Let's rock it! We can make a change. Let's use the tools we use everyday to enjoy our life to actually make a difference. Facebook, blogs, twitter, email... help is only a click away. 

If we are able to see eachother we are able to protect eachother. 

What we do matters. Let's get involved. 

Let's make the Invisible Children Visible. Let's stop Joseph Koni. 

Website: http://vimeo.com/invisible

I know some of my readers are spread around the world, so let's get together, I've joined Twitter let's make this trendy, let's make this famous, be part of the solution! Let me know how you get involved! 

Jump

I’ll never tell you I’m good at something, I’ll never see myself as someone capable. I don’t throw myself at challenges, I don’t like changing. I’m comfortable with what I’m familiar with and I fear the unknown. I’m aware of my fragilities but a stranger to my strengths. I dream high but I don’t aim much. I can’t cope with failure and I have incredible low tolerance to frustration. If I’m not confident in my skills (and I never am) and there’s a way out, I’ll back off, I can tell you right now.

Sometimes we’re too harsh on ourselves, so when you’re your own worst enemy you have to be able to rely on someone else. Our gut can be distorted by fear and insecurities. Unrealistic expectations will swallow our faith. At times we have to ignore the voices inside.

I’m good at doing what I have to do. When there’s no choice. When you make me face it, when you make me do it, I’ll come through. I’ll panic, I’ll suffer, but I’ll manage it. However, I would never willingly put myself in a situation I can’t control.

Do I think failing makes you a loser? No, I think it makes you brave and strong. Then why am I here on the edge waiting for someone to push me?

Do I have it in me?

Can I keep doing it? Do I still have it me? Have I ever had it? Will there ever be a time where all the thoughts are gone and my head will be just a blank, quiet, boring sheet? Will I be happy then? Or more lost and lonely? Will it make sense someday, when I look back? Will I be able to get what it taught me or how I grew because of it? Could I ever be different? Do I want to?

Announcement

Exciting announcement coming soon #Aglimpseofhappiness
Keep posted :)

To those who don't like people

For a long time I’ve been saying that I don’t like people. And it’s not because I’m trying to be unpleasant or mean. Though I understand it may come across as being a little harsh I’m just being honest. When I was younger I wondered if there was something wrong with me because for everyone else this thought seemed crazy, now I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing anymore, it doesn’t make you weird or wrong  it only means that you’re a little bit more selective. I don’t like people because of what they do… not to me in particular, can’t say I have a lot of bad experiences but I watch what goes on around me. People not thinking about what they say, how they act, pushing eachother down, hurting eachother without even blink.

It was just yesterday that we were talking about this. Not criticizing anyone, not complaining about it but simply stating a fact. It was refreshing for the first time to hear someone else say those words. Someone that it’s not crazy or an outcast, someone that is just a normal person like you and me. Curiously enough just a few hours later, out of the blue, I get a little treat… something to remind me that there are exceptions and that even if you’ve accepted that you don’t like people there will always be those special ones who put a smile on your face. Because you don’t have to like people in order to like someone.

Thanks R. for being such a sweet friend =)

Dark days

I have these things sometimes, these moments when I snap. I just go back to that dark place, when I don’t want to be here. Yes, to be fair I do travel in my mind often and it’s not unusual for me to want to go back there, but this is different. This is not just me wanting to go to my little world, it’s not standing to be here. It’s desperation, it’s having to run away. An overwhelming crankiness takes over me and though I’m aware I can’t prevent it. It’s odd because it’s so sudden yet strong. I can’t quite describe it rather than to say that it’s so powerful that affects me even physically. I feel this weird pressure inside of me, my heart getting tighter and tighter.

I know how to fix it… I need to crawl up in my bed with my Ipod, lay in the dark. Just lay there on my own, not having to see or speak to anybody. I just can’t stand people when I’m like that.

Today is one of those days that I just feel like running back home, hide under some cozy blankets, hopefully fall asleep fast and just wake up in another (better) day.

I’m tired, upset, not even mad… just defeated really. It’s hard to let go even when you know you should. It’s annoying that you can’t avoid to be bored with non-sense things like this.

I don’t want to be here anymore, not today. Tomorrow it will be different. Well, not really, everything will probably be exactly the same but I’ll be ready to cope with it. Tomorrow none of this will seem as big or important, I know, but as for now I just want to close my eyes and run back to my safe little shelter.

Little mash up, original pieces were written on December 8^th 2011 and February 19^th 2012

Travel the world

I want to travel the world
I want to see what it has to offer
I don’t just want to visit
I want to be part of it
To get to know it
I want to now people
And understand the jokes
I want to take a piece of it
I want to meet people
Hear stories of others who
Are as passionate about it as I am
I want to have those butterflies in my stomach
And the sparkle in my eyes.

Curiosity

When I was younger I would often say I didn't like people I wasn't trying to be rebellious or unpleasant I was simply stating a fact. A fact that to a certain degree describes me still. Not that I don't like anybody in this world, but I'm very specific about the ones I do, I guess.

Dealing with people implies having to deal with relationships which, just like people, is something regarding which I have ambiguous feelings. Relationships are so unpredictable. It's like walking a tightrope, never knowing when you're going to fall. But despite that, or maybe because of it, I'm fascinating by these topics.

I'm always watching people... how they act, what they say, how some always seem to know exactly what to do. Maybe it's instincts I'm lacking, I wonder.

I see how people relate to each other, trying to improve my skills. I like to analyze their interactions, to deconstruct every talk or action. I play scenarios in my head with endless possibilities. I try to get the logic of it, narrow it down to a science. Aware that's the wrong way to do it, that life is supposed to be lived and not thought and despite that unable to resist.

There’s something about you

I see you from a distance

Fascinated by your charm

Every single thing about you,

It’s all perfect.

Absorbed by your aura

I admire your beauty,

Your smile, the way you move,

You make it look so simple.

Ingenuously I try discover,

To unveil what it is,

Foolishly I attempt to define

What has no description. 

You make everyone seem fool,

For even trying, they won’t reach you.

I watch you… More than a peculiarity

It’s a gift.

The way you speak to people

How you conquer everyone.  

With one look you win them,

With one smile you light up the room.

You captivate people

It’s impossible to be indifferent

That charisma, that glow,

You’re amazing and don’t even know it.

I wonder how you manage it all,

The right balance.

You’re cute and sensible yet strong

Incredible likeable but not at all boring.

True to yourself you don’t try to please.

Opinionated and feisty,

You’ll always fight back

And even doing it are as cute as hell

You’re perfect because you make mistakes

And rise from them everytime

Perfect because what makes you special

Is, above everything, being so normal.

What would we do without music?

What would we do without music? 

Whatever your feelings are there’s always some particular song that will adequate to it. When you’re not able to describe or understand what’s going inside of you, there’re always those lyrics that couldn’t be any more perfect. Music helps you mourn when you’re down, it doesn’t force you to overcome something that you’re not yet ready to face, it allows you to wallow and it keeps you company in the lonely nights. 

But music is not just present in the bad moments. No, music has the ability to accompany us in every state or mood. It is music you blast when you’re excited about a great day, when you want to shake it up or belt it out how happy you are. 

Music adjusts to your needs. It’s music I put on when I need to focus on my own thoughts, when I want to look deeper into my emotions but it’s also music I blast when I’m trying to ignore what’s going inside my head. It’s a safety net. It’s something that no matter what I can count on. I love songs that put a smile on my face every single time they come up on my ipod, but I equally love those almost depressing songs that no matter what will always put me on a more introspective mood. It’s fascinating to me to realize that other people have experienced similar dilemmas, similar pain and how you can feel so connect to someone you have never even met. 

What’s so special about music? Is it the melody or the lyrics? I think it’s hard to define, and it most definitely varies from person to person. To me, I find that most of times I get attracted to the lyrics the most. To the lyrics and to the artist/performer. I have to feel somehow connect to him/her and that has an unquestionably result on how I react to a song. But I do have a couple of songs that lyrically mean absolutely nothing to me but that somehow make me feel something good inside when I play them. I think music is an amazing thing. A friend, an expression tool, a great psychologist! Music is one of those little pleasures in life that often we over look but that I would be totally devastated if for some reason I’d had to live without.

The voice within

Whatever happen don’t lose your mind. This crazy world will tear you down, some people will make you wonder how humans can be so mean to eachother but no matter what, you have to be able to trust your gut. 

We can’t replace someone we love, people around us are important and we can’t ever substitute their role in our lives, but there will be times they won’t be around. There will be days when you’ll have no-one or you’ll have everybody and it still won’t be enough. That’s why you have to be able to trust yourself. It’s great to have a shoulder to cry on and to feel you’ll have someone to pull you up if you fall but it doesn’t always go like that. Despite whatever was that overthrew you sometimes you just have to pick yourself up with no help. You just have to remember yourself that you’re not alone... because even when there’s nobody else you still have yourself. 

Your mind is so much powerful than you’ll ever see it. It’s all in your head. You can be your biggest friend or your worst enemy. Don’t let those voices push you down. For once try to listen to the good ones. For a change try to believe the wonderful things you’ve heard people say about you. I know you’ve heard it. I know they’re saved there, somewhere, buried under those destructive views of yourself. 

They can’t be all wrong, right? There must be something, it has to be something… “So why can’t I see?” you’ll wonder. You just got to give yourself a chance, cut yourself some slack. If only I could show you how…

Growing Up

Hi babes just to warn you this one is a bit long, but hopefully worth it ;) XoXo, Fi

I’ve never felt never very keen about the idea of growing up. I can’t explain why, but I never wanted to be older than 14/15. Even when I was a teenager and all my friends were longing for independence (which I always had anyway), to be able to drive, to be able to make their own decisions, I was never that anxious about turning 18. Maybe because I had had a happy childhood and I don’t like to change, maybe because I was happy with what I knew and didn’t want to take the risk of finding something less great, maybe because it was when I started to grow up that everything stopped being clear and the thoughts and feelings started to mix up and haunt me. 

I loved being naïve, loving everybody and believing they were perfect. I enjoyed playing in my fantasy world and believing in things like Santa Claus (actually I remember forcing myself to believe in his existence when I was already aware he wasn’t real). Everything was so clear then, so black and white. It may seem simplistic but I confess I miss the times when it was clear that a behavior was either good or evil, that people where either nice or mean, when choices where either right or wrong. Not feeling the weight of the world in your shoulders, being able to run to someone’s arms everytime you fall down, being able to believe when someone reassures you that it will be okay. How can you not miss that? 

Growing up meant having to realize that there are no perfect people at that I took hard. The realization that things aren’t always as we think they are. Changing my opinions, realizing that everyone has a dark side. For some reason I had lived in this bubble where everything was good and people were sweet, and then one day it just hit me that I wasn’t able to have that same feeling anymore. Suddenly I didn’t like that people that much and the things they were doing didn’t feel right anymore. Those were hard times. To have feelings inside that you don’t understand and you strive to let go, to cope with the fact that everything you always knew and love doesn’t feel as perfect and safe anymore. 

I always hated when people would refer to it as “just a phase”. It’s like it didn’t matter. I couldn’t care less if it was just a phase or not. I felt lost, confused, scared even. I was disappointed with the world because no-one had ever told me I could be surrounded by a crowd and yet feel incredibly lonely. Being just phase didn’t bring me any reassurance, if anything made me feel silly to be so affected by something that apparently everyone goes through and overcomes eventually. 

Growing up is tough because there’re too many things involved and you struggle to juggle all the changes that you are perceiving in the world with the ones that are going inside yourself. You look for a reference, some to look up to, some role model that knows exactly what to do, and how to act. Someone that you can just follow the steps. But it’s unrealistic, it’s a recipe for disaster, you will be constantly disappointed because no matter how smart, confident and mature someone is, no one knows the answer for everything in life. 

I didn’t want to grow up because the expectations are way higher and there’s no way back. I liked the idea of having an excuse to fail, when a mistake could be justified because you were just “too young”. More than trying to please everybody I just wanted to blend in. Since no-one seemed able to comfort me or teach me how to deal with all the changes I just wanted to be left alone. 

For a while I tried to fight it, though deep inside I knew I stand no chance. The anger eventually faded away and more convinced that it wouldn’t change I started to come to terms with it. I didn’t like it, I wasn’t happy but I realized there was no other way. To the outsiders I was doing okay. I had my friends, my activities, I did well in school, but inside, I was… not even sad, just desperate really. Wondering if I would feel like an outcast my whole life. My heart ached with the thought of having these feeling, these doubts, this neediness forever. 

I was a girl that never paid attention to trends, I was never a follower, but still I think sometimes I’d try to morph myself in something I was not. I figured that it must be something wrong in me and that maybe by changing I would feel better. But no matter how miserable you are when you’re being yourself, acting like someone else won’t make you feel better, because it will never be real. 

I don’t think it is just a stage. At least not for everybody. But you grow up, no matter how much you fight it or how you try to prevent it, you can’t help it. Hopefully you’ll get to that place when you’re able to accept that maybe life will never be what you want it to be, that people will never be able to give you what you need them to give you, that there are things in you that no matter how much you hate you’ll never be able to change and that those feelings and thoughts will never go away. Hopefully too, you’ll be wise enough to realize that even if it’s not all you wished for, there’s something you can take from every experience, and that instead of looking for the perfect friendship or relationship you just have to take a little love when you can. 

Even if you still feel the pressure, you’ll start to give in in some aspects. Details on your life will become important enough for you to react to them without second thoughts, without worrying about what everyone will think. You’ll teach yourself not to rationalize your feelings regarding your friends and that there’s nothing wrong to let someone know how much you love them (even if you not able to tell it to everybody). 

You do grow up, and it’s not so much that things change, or that you change, it’s just that in order to protect your sanity you’ll develop the ability to cope with it. And if having a song in repeat mode, listening to an interview over and over again, watching the same Tv shows thousands of times or just writing silly posts peace’s you out, than go for it. 

Growing up is not necessarily a bad thing, it is just… different. Perhaps fitting in and finding that person (or people) that make you feel special, comfortable and loved is not meant for everyone but maybe you can have that role in someone else’s life and it won’t be half bad.

To whom expectations?

It has been said that we should not leave up to other people expectations but our own. But what to do when your own expectations are much greater and unreachable than everybody else’s? 

In the darkness of your mind I watch you struggle, I see you fighting against yourself. Without recognizing your value, your exceptionality, how awesome you are you keep cutting yourself short. I hear people around you loving you but somehow the message that gets to you is distorted because you are your own worst enemy.

You’ve always been great but to you that’s not enough. No, you have to be perfect. You congratulate others for their achievements, you convinced them that failing is part of life, that it doesn’t make them any less worthy, any less amazing, and I know you believe it. So how can you rule yourself by different standards? 

The usual advice is to tell people to trust the voice within them, to follow their gut. But when you’re constantly pushing yourself down you just have to block that voice. You can’t “believe the things you tell yourself so late night, you are your own worst enemy you'll never win the fight”*. You have to figure out a way to trust what everyone else is saying, to acknowledge what you rationally know it is true. 

I know you know it’s insane. But I can see the fear in your eyes everytime you are put to test. I can sense the panic no matter how ridiculous the task might be. And I don’t think you can change. I think you desperately want to but don’t know how. 

The pressure you put in yourself is unbearable. It’s not healthy. No one can cope with such a destructive input all the time. How to justify this need for perfection? When did this happen? What was it that made you think that you have to be like this? Will you ever grow out of it? 

* Parachute - Cheryl Cole

Writing

Writing is therapeutic, it’s not a work nor even a hobby, is something I need to do. It’s something that can slow down from times to times but that I can never stop completely. It’s something that’s inside of me - day and night - something that follows me no matter where I go or what I do or how I want to ignore it.

It ain’t easy to explain and it shouldn’t be necessary either. The beauty of creative writing it’s not in everybody getting the same message but in the fact that there’s no right or wrong.  That there’s no universal understanding and it’s open to interpretation. People should be able to read between the lines, to take their own conclusions about what they’ve read. It’s not about deconstructing the message what’s important is that it means something. Seeing the same as their friends, or even the author doesn’t matter. You’ll see it accordingly to your experiences, to your mood, to what you’re going through at that moment. You’ll take out of it what you need in that exact moment. Maybe later you’ll come back to it and feel different about it, and that’s okay, that’s how it’s supposed to be.

Writing is a way to express yourself, your fears, your emotions, your frustrations. It’s a way to vent without fighting or yelling, without having to hurt anyone. It’s an amazing way to live your dreams, to live your parallel life, to imagine what’s unreachable. Writing is a way to let out what’s inside without having to filter it. What you write doesn’t necessarily has to make sense to everybody, not even to anybody.

We all had those days when nothing could sheer us up, and I found that most times, to me, all it takes is to read something that touches my heart. Either because it shows me that there is still hope or because it shows me that no matter how unbearable it may seem at times, someone else had been there too. And that helps. As selfish as it may be, sometimes all we need is to know that we are not “freaks”, that these questions, doubts and fears are not exclusively ours. So if you ask me why I write? I’ll tell you that I write to myself. To (try to) keep sane. If you ask me why I publish my stuff? I’ll confess that I wish that someday I’ll be able reach someone, somewhere, and that maybe by reading my stuff they won’t feel so bad. 

Can't feel alright

I couldn't explain why

If I wanted to let you know

why I can't have you by my side

I can't get my senses back

Can't get my head around it

Did we have to take this path?

When this all begun

I loved the light in your smile

And now you have none

And you beg me to reconcile

I can't feel alright

No, nothing feels right

When you're gone...

And yet here we are

Stuck in this crossroad

Yes, you're still my star

But I'm about to implode

I have wanted you for so long

But I can't give you all you're worth

Tough you keep saying I'm wrong

Better face it before it gets worst

I can't feel alright

No, nothing feels right

When you're gone...

I need to be sure

You have all the best

so I try to be mature

And put yourself first

I wouldn't love you like I should

Nor even how I'd wish I could

So I choose to make you want to leave

Tough, I can't feel alright

Because nothing feels right

When you're gone... 

I'll Stand by You*

‎

‎"Nothing you confess could make me love you less (...) When you're standing at the crossroad, don't know which path to choose, let me come along, 'cause even if your wrong...I'll stand by you"*

Suddenly you’re not the same. Suddenly you’re lost in the dark side. Can you still hear me calling? Baby please hear my calling. Come to me honey, talk to me, tell me what’s hunting you. Don’t be ashamed, you can never let me down. You’re trying to be strong, you want to keep it together but holding it inside will drive you mad. You won’t have to justify, I’ll stand by you no matter what you do. I’ll hold your hand, I’ll guide you through, I’ll be your light in the darkest night. I can’t promise it will be easy or that it won’t hurt, but I guarantee you you won’t have to go it alone. Just let me in, I won’t try to fix you. When you lose your strength and your hope is gone, let me hold you up. If you really have to take that that dark road then let me come along because even if it’s hell it won’t be half as bad as watching you drown. 

*Tittle and quote by The Pretenders - I'll Stan By You

Bigger than life

There’s so much in life we can’t control. There are things we fear. Things we want to avoid. Things we’d prefer to ignore. Things that we’ll have to learn to cope with.

It’s the worst part about growing up, the understanding that life isn’t always as we dream of. That there’s no black and white. That sometimes no matter how hard you try and how perfect you are still somehow you’re not able to make it right.

You’ll look back and you’ll see what overthrew you. You’ll know that there was nothing you could have done and yet it won’t settle your heart. Just because you’re aware of something it doesn’t make it hurt any less. You’ll still feel mad, frustrated, and impotent. No matter how many times life remembers you how small you are you’ll always have those days when you just want to fight it. Moments where you’ll struggle not to settle, that you’ll beg to keep believing. Once you realized you’ve failed you’ll make promises to yourself that even though all went wrong you’ll still manage to make it your way. You’ll try to be oblivious to the evidences. You’ll stubbornly try to prove it wrong but in the end sometimes you just have to admit that

“There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept. Things we don't want to know but have to learn. And people we can't live without but have to let go.”*

---

* By Penelope Garcia Criminal Minds S06E02

Hate/Love

16 Things I hate and love (talk about a random number…)

1. I hate when my place is taken and I have to sit someplace else
2. I hate when I’ve read every relevant story, watched every relevant video and went through every work of an artist
3. I hate injustices
4. I hate when I really want to be with someone and it’s not on my hands
5. I hate when things don’t make sense
6. I hate to watch people breaking apart (having I met them or not)
7. I hate when people criticize and push other people down just for the thrill of it
8. I hate when things don’t go has I plan
9. I hate that the world isn’t smaller sometimes
10. I hate to wake up when it’s already morning, and having the pleasure of falling asleep only once
11. I hate to have any icons on my desktop and to have any files misplaced on my pc
12. I hate to watch people cry
13. I hate to wait
14. I hate even more to be or even to think I’ll be late
15. I hate I can’t log off of my brain sometimes
16. I hate when I’m so cranky that I annoy myself

1. I love some words just because they sound cute
2. I love nostalgic conversations about the good old times
3. I love to laugh about the things we did and say
4. I love that special hug that makes your day worth it
5. I love that look that just says it all
6. I love that empowering smile that makes you believe
7. I love to re-discover something I’d forgotten I love (tv show, movie, song, artist)
8. I love to receive a simply “Good Morning” text message
9. I love when I get a text and I can’t help but smile to my phone
10. I love to receive mail
11. I love finding out new artists that I like
12. I love when a song inexplicable just makes me smile.
13. I love wander around randomly listening to music.
14. I love to travel
15. I love making up stories in my head
16. I love how some songs just perfectly sum up what you feel

The Winner takes it all*

Nothing hurts so much as being so close. Nothing can compare to the felling of having it right there in front of us and not being able to grasp it. Never second place felt so wrong. They won’t get it, the feeling of lost when you’ve come such a long way and defeated so many obstacles along the way. It may be perceived as weakness but it’s just passion. It may seem cockiness but truly it’s ambition. Yes, some other time this could have felt enough but not today. Not when you were so close, not when you had it right there and it just slipped between your fingers, not when you feel that you could have had it, not when you could already taste it.

It hurts. The effort, the excitement, the hope… all vanish. In less than 15 seconds you go from the highest level of delight to the lowest of disappointments. The tears are real. The pain is real. It’s inexplicable, most likely unreasonable but definitely real. No matter what anyone else tells you. No matter how you try to rationalize it and convince yourself. No matter if your head recognizes that even if you didn’t win you’ve still done so great your heart will be crushed.

 And people won’t get it. No, if you’ve never been there. If you’ve never felt this strongly about something you’ll never get it. It may seem shallow, silly even but if you’ve been there you’ve know it’s real. You fell physically sick. Those butterflies in your stomach are now gone and all you fell is a big whole inside your heart. Support may feel good but it won’t help. You just have to suck it up. You’ll have to mourn. You’ll need time to painfully go over every tiny second of it. You’ll need time to blame yourself for what went wrong, to hate yourself for what you haven’t done. You’ll struggle, you’ll fight to take it out of your head and eventually you’ll be able to settle. Eventually you’ll come to terms with it. The pain will start to fade and you’ll be able to see it’s not the end of the world. Hopefully you’ll learn from it, you’ll grow up, it will make you stronger and tougher. There’s no point in everybody else try to push you to overcome it, to force you to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. You have to do it when you’re ready. You’ll get there. At your own pace. No need to rush it.

* Tittle by Abba

Inspiration

Inspiration is everywhere. In the music I can't get out of my head. In the people that cross me in the streets. It’s in every show I watch, in every character I meet. Inspiration it’s here and there. It haunts me and yet I can't seem to find it when I’m craving it. Inspired about what I don’t want to think about. Inspired about what I can’t help to see in  my dreams. Inspiration. Streams of thoughts running through my mind. Frantically trying to find its way out. Desperately trying to make sense.  Letters, words, sounds, feelings. My mind running 200 miles/hour. My hand working hard, unsuccessfully trying to keep up to the rhythm of my thoughts. My brain exhausted, wondering if it will ever going to stop, or at least slow down. The ambiguous feeling of wanting some rest and wishing it never comes.

Let me be

“I’ve just spoke to your teacher.”

“What did she say?” – Laura asked.

“She said that you’re doing great.”

“I am” – Laura agreed.

“She told me you’ve picked up in school, that you’re grades are great” – Lilly said.

Laura nodded with a smile.

“She said that you’ve seem to have overcome what happened very naturally, that you seem peaceful and calm.” – Lilly continued.

“See sis? I told you I was okay.”

“Yeah, you did” – Lilly concurred – “She also told me that you’ve reach out to Sam…” - she added.

“Well” – Laura gasped - “I will, I didn’t have to time yet but…”

“And that you’ve joined a new team…” – Lilly continued.

“I…” – Laura sighted caught in her own lies, not knowing what to say.

“Look, I don't mind that you lie to your teacher. I don’t care that you lie to everybody, and try to convince them you're okay.” – Lilly told her.

“But I am!” – Laura promised.

“You’ve completed every homework you had until the end of the year. You’ve read every book and watched every movie we had available at home. You’ve already cleaned the apartment twice this week and not once you’ve ask help to do it. You’ve been to every one of my dance classes and did not miss one party or gathering this month.” – Lilly listed.

“So, I’ve organized myself. I’m a good sister and I like to hang out with my friends. Why are you making it sound like a bad thing?”

“You’ve been overworking, overstudying, overhelping, overpartying…” – Lilly stated

“C’mon…”

“Listen, I’m not here to lecture you.” – Lilly guaranteed – “I just want you to promise me something.” – she added.

Laura waited for her to continue.

“You may go weeks, months even, believing that you're fine, deceiving yourself. You'll start to believe that is all good, that you've regain control. And then you'll have a bad day...” – Lilly said.

Laura was about to deny it when Lilly concluded – “Just let me know when you do.”

“I will.” – Laura promised, happy that for once someone was not trying to force her to be okay – “I will.”

Switching up

Hello lovies,

Let’s switch things up a little bit today.

So, you know how some of you have told me that you come here regularly even if you’re quiet and don’t comment? Well it’s time to step up because I need a little favor from you.

There’s this little challenge I’m considering taking and I’d like your input about it… It’s pretty simple, basically all I’d like to ask you is: when you read the sentence "Feel special - being special" what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? Don’t overthink, don’t need to elaborate. I’m just looking for some genuine ideas, and feelings.

If you're shy and you don’t want to share your thoughts publicly just send me a Private Message on Facebook or leave an anonymous comment, but please help me out, I know you’re all a bunch of inspired people!

Thank you y’all

What’s on your mind?

What’s on your mind are you aware,

Of every thought you ever had?

What’s on your mind, can you explain?

The oddest things it’s so arcane…

What’s on your mind can you push away,

Those words you wish they never said?

What’s on your mind, is that so hard,

To find a reason beyond all that?

What’s on your mind can you acknowledge

Forget the fears and just be honest?

What’s on your mind it should be so easy

To figure out what is inside.

What’s on my mind?

A bunch of thoughts. Lose ideas and crazy feelings.

What’s on my mind? My most truthful feature the only one I cannot filter. 

Special Moments

Special moments are not those you plan in advance but the ones that happen inadvertently. There’s nothing better than a relax chitchat with the girls, some laughs over dinner with some friends, making fun of yourself with your co-workers.

Plans are overrated. And because you raised expectations it’s often that you’re disappointed. Best things in life happen when you’re not expecting them. It’s the small things rather than the big events that make your day.

Is that cute “good morning” text message, that smile from someone you’re passing on the street, that kiss from the kids, that hug from someone special, that uncontrollable laugh when you’re remembering silly stuff from the past…

We’re unsatisfied by nature, we want more and more. We’re always looking for happiness. But we often forget that these glimpses of happiness are the best we can get.

I love it when I’m doing something trivial and I sudden realize how happy I’m actually are at that moment. That’s the beauty of life, that’s what makes everything interesting, the fact that you cannot predict what’s going to happen or how you’ll feel about it.

There will be days you feel like crap. Weeks when you’ll doubt if anything will ever make you smile again. But at its own pace these little events will make you shine again.

Operation let’s build a house/Operação fazer uma casa

(Nota: For the english version please scroll down)



Operação fazer uma casa

Olá gente,

Este é mesmo muito importante que lessem... pleeeeeease. =) Beijos, Fi

Como muitos de vocês sabem regressei recentemente de uma viagem a Moçambique, onde fui visitar o meu pai.

Durante a minha estadia lá tive a oportunidade não so de visitar sitios fantásticos e disfrutar das mais belas vistas como também de conhecer alguns habitantes locais. Entre eles conheci a família da Júlia.

A Júlia começou a construir a sua casa há 7 anos, contudo, a morte do marido e salário de cerca de 100€/mês tornam terminar esta obra um trabalho impossível para esta  mãe solteira de 37 anos com três filhos (Noélia 13, Boavida, 11 e Cátia 9 anos).

O meu pai e o seu sócio concordaram já em pedir orçamentos e tencionam ajudá-la a rebocar a casa (que para quem como eu não está familiriarizado com estes termos basicamente significa terminar o isolamento das paredes) e colocar janelas para pelo menos manter a chuva e o frio do lado de fora, contudo, há ainda muito a fazer. As condições da pequena habitação são escassas sendo que de momento não possui sequer casa de banho ou cozinha.

Depois de conhecermos esta fantástica familia e o local onde vivem, eu e a minha mãe pensámos que entre familiares e amigos talvez pudessemos ajudá-los a terminar a sua casa.

Sei que há imensas familias em situações semelhantes e que infelizmente jamais seremos capazes de ajudá-las a todas, mas porque não começar por onde conseguimos chegar?

Também sei que em tempos de crise todos nós estamos apertados e a falta de dinheiro é geral, mas quando somos confrontados com estas realidades tão piores que as nossas por vezes chegamos à conclusão que se calhar ainda conseguimos fazer mais um esforço para ajudar alguém que precisa mais.

Talvez nem todos possam contribui ou ate já contribuam para outras causas, mas se estiverem interessados e puderem ajudar seria muito importante!

O que estamos a fazer de momento é juntar os contributos numa conta bancária portuguesa que criámos especificamente para este efeito, para evitar os custos das transações e da próxima vez que o meu pai vier a Portugal, consoante o valor recolhido ou ele leva o dinheiro ou faremos então uma só transferência para o banco de lá.

Banco: Montepio Geral

NIB: 0036 0001 991 00068244 49

Falem com pais, filhos, familiares, amigos e todos aqueles que vocês acharem que podem contribuir, tudo será bem vindo, independentemente do valor. Se por acaso alguém não tiver conta e quiser contribuir contactem-me.

De momento não tenho ainda informação dos orçamentos pedidos, mas quando me forem enviados posso partilhar com quem estiver interessado.

Para mais informações ou esclarecimento de dúvidas deixem um comentário em baixo ou enviem-me um mail para filipa15@hotmail.com.


Novidades 14.Fevereiro: Com €200 fizemos a instalação eléctrica em toda a casa. Próximo passo é a colocação da janelas. Ainda não recolhemos dinheiro suficiente para  tudo por isso continuem a partilhar e ajudar.


Novidades 9.Março: Com mais 400€ podemos pagar a colocação das janelas. As obras começam amanhã e vou tentar conseguir fotografias para partilhar quando tivermos os resultados finais. Ainda há muito a fazer. Continuem a divulgar e partilhar.


Novidades 22 Julho: Até agora untámos um total de 1120€! Nada mal! Electricidade e janelas já temos agora falta o resto e todas as ajudas são bem vindas :) 

Obrigada!

Operation let’s build a house

This is a really important one, so pleeeeeeease, take a few minutes to read it. =) Thanks, Fi

As most of you know I just came back from a trip to Mozambique where I went to visit my dad.

While there I had the chance not only to visit the most amazing places and enjoy some lovely views, but also to meet some local people. Among them I met Julia’s family.

Julia started to build her house 7 years ago. However, her husband’s death and the $127/month income make it impossible for this single mom of three to finish her house. Julia’s children are now 13, Noélia, 11, Boavida and 9, Cátia.

 My dad and his partner have already agreed to request some budgets and intend to help her finish the walls and put up the windows to at least keep the rain and cold outside. Still there’s so much more to do… the small house has little conditions and at the moment doesn’t even have a bathroom or a kitchen.

After meeting this amazing family and the place where they live, my mother and I started to think that between family and friends maybe we could find a way to help them finish their home.

I’m aware that there are a lot of families in this situation and that unfortunately we will never be able to reach them all. But why not start with the ones that we can reach?

I also know that these are not the easiest times and that everybody is suffering from lack of money. But I figure that when confronted with realities so worse than ours sometimes we find out that we are still able to make one more effort to help someone that needs more than ourselves.

Maybe not all of you will be able to help. Or maybe some of you already help different causes, but if you’re interested, able and willing to help that would mean a lot!

What we’re doing at the moment is gathering the money in a Portuguese account (since most of our friends live in Portugal) that we created specifically for this, so we can avoid the transactions costs. I would open an account in each of your countries if I could, but of course that’s not possible still I hope that doesn’t discourage you to help. If you have any other ideas on how you could send your contribute please suggest away.

Bank: Montepio Geral

IBAN: PT50 0036 0001 991 00068244 49

Next time my dad comes to Portugal, according to the amount of collected money he will either take the cash with him or we will transfer it to an account in Mozambique paying the transaction costs only once. Update! We've created a Paypal account, this should make things easier and less expensive. You'll find the Paypal button on this blog, on the top left side. 

Talk to your parents, kids, friends, relatives and everybody that you believe can help. Every donation will be welcomed, no matter how big or small.

At the moment I still don’t have the information about the budgets  requested. But once they are sent to me I can share them with however is interested.

For questions or more informations please leave a comment below or email me at filipa15@hotmail.com.

UPDATE: 14.February - With €200 we've concluded the electrical installation in the entire house. Next step, put up some windows. We still don't have enough money for the whole thing, so please continue sharing and helping.


UPDATE 9.March - With 400€ we were able to pay the guys to put up the windows on the house. It will be done during the next week or two. I'll try to get pictures to show you the final results. There's still a lot to do, so keep helping and sharing. What we do matters, despite how little it may seem.


Update July 22nd: Until today we've managed to raise 1120€! Not too bad. We got them electricity and windows but there's still a lot to do, so please keep helping and spreading the message around :)

Thanks!

Does size matter?

How can something so little cause so much damage?

I mentioned in my last post I wasn’t doing too well… they finally figured out what was causing my pain and apparently was this tiny tiny little stone that was installed on my kidneys. I was relief to be feeling better but at the same time I was astonished that something so little could be responsible for all the pain I was feeling. And that got me thinking…

We like to think huge, to be big, we keep on believing that we have to be giant to make a difference. But we’re so wrong.

A tiny little rock on an engine, a micro virus inside a body, a drop of acid in the wrong place… there are so many ways things can go wrong not because something massive happened, but because the smallest detail didn’t went according to our plans.

Little things are underrated in pretty much everything we do.

We can’t change the world but we can change what’s around us. And maybe by doing that will end up inspiring someone else to do it too and that’s how we’ll make a difference. We don’t have to do it all on our own. We just have to find a starting point, something that we feel passionate about, and then find little things we can do to improve it. Don’t thing too big, don’t aim too far. You’ll desperate, you’ll feel frustrated. Start small, let it flow, and see where it takes you.  We can’t be afraid to fail. We are in a privilege situation, some people deserve that we at least give it a try. We have to believe the people around us. Believe that we’ll be surprised, that we’re not alone and that they’ll help us making a difference.

A new project it's on its way and will be coming very very soon. I hope I can count with everybody’s help, I’ll really need it for this one. I’ll keep you posted ;) keep coming back.

Pain

Pains swipes down. No matter how in control you usually are. How independent. How self-sufficient. When you’re in crawling in pain you’ll beg for someone to come and take it away.

Those are the moments I envy people who have faith. Who can pray to someone or something and believe it’s going to help them… I don’t have that, so with a needle in my arm and screeching in pain I found myself talking to a bottle of medicine begging it to please work, to please make its magic. Quite insane I’m aware.

But I’m too rational, even in the craziest scenarios I am, I can’t help it. So while I was in crying in pain I was telling to myself “shake it off, I’m sure there are pains so much stronger than that!”. Which it’s true, but at the same time at that point I didn’t really care, I just wanted it to stop.

These are also the moments I regret to have lost the innocence of a child. It’s so much easier when you’re a kid, and your mom tells you you’re going to be fine, and you believe her. Because she knows best, after all she’s a mom. But then you grow up and you’re aware that no matter how magical and grand parents may seem they don’t do miracles. Now, you’re aware that even if they’re giving you something for the pain it’s not going to work right away, you still have to wait until it actually gets to your system. And again, I’m good at being rational. So, if someone tells me “You’re going to be in excruciating time, but after 40 minutes the drugs will kick in and you’ll feel better” I can hold it together. I can process it in my mind and endure the pain, because I know it’s going to stop in 40 minutes. It’s the not knowing that desperate me. So when I’m holding it together for 40 minutes and then nothing changes… then I start losing it.

And it’s crazy because I was hurting before, a non-related pain. And I felt like crap. But then this came and all I could think was “please I prefer the other one, just take this one, and give me back the previous pain”. It’s so silly… because you feel powerless. I’m not usually that sensible. I rarely cry and I think I can tolerate pain quite well but damn… sometimes you just feel like a baby. Forget about keeping it together and be strong… you just want to cry and have someone fix it.

Good lesson I’ve learned from this experience? Maybe I’ll want to give birth someday. Allow me to explain: though I’m sure being a parent must be the most incredible experience in the world, delivering a baby was never very appealing to me… but according to the nurse that saw me yesterday, a lot of women have claimed that they prefer the pain of delivering a baby than to experience the pain I was suffering… so you see, you always take something from every experience ;)