The Winner takes it all*

Nothing hurts so much as being so close. Nothing can compare to the felling of having it right there in front of us and not being able to grasp it. Never second place felt so wrong. They won’t get it, the feeling of lost when you’ve come such a long way and defeated so many obstacles along the way. It may be perceived as weakness but it’s just passion. It may seem cockiness but truly it’s ambition. Yes, some other time this could have felt enough but not today. Not when you were so close, not when you had it right there and it just slipped between your fingers, not when you feel that you could have had it, not when you could already taste it.

It hurts. The effort, the excitement, the hope… all vanish. In less than 15 seconds you go from the highest level of delight to the lowest of disappointments. The tears are real. The pain is real. It’s inexplicable, most likely unreasonable but definitely real. No matter what anyone else tells you. No matter how you try to rationalize it and convince yourself. No matter if your head recognizes that even if you didn’t win you’ve still done so great your heart will be crushed.

 And people won’t get it. No, if you’ve never been there. If you’ve never felt this strongly about something you’ll never get it. It may seem shallow, silly even but if you’ve been there you’ve know it’s real. You fell physically sick. Those butterflies in your stomach are now gone and all you fell is a big whole inside your heart. Support may feel good but it won’t help. You just have to suck it up. You’ll have to mourn. You’ll need time to painfully go over every tiny second of it. You’ll need time to blame yourself for what went wrong, to hate yourself for what you haven’t done. You’ll struggle, you’ll fight to take it out of your head and eventually you’ll be able to settle. Eventually you’ll come to terms with it. The pain will start to fade and you’ll be able to see it’s not the end of the world. Hopefully you’ll learn from it, you’ll grow up, it will make you stronger and tougher. There’s no point in everybody else try to push you to overcome it, to force you to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. You have to do it when you’re ready. You’ll get there. At your own pace. No need to rush it.

* Tittle by Abba